Venting Why dont I just.....

[Life_and_Death]

Every day is horrible. I can't go a single second without it being horrible in some way or another. I feel like shit for getting help. I feel like shit for asking my husband to do things differently or make him do things I have no physical problem doing on my own. I feel like shit for talking to my "friend" of course I can never be happy with any outcome of this situation. I hate EVERYTHING about me. Literally the only thing keeping me alive is what's making me want to kill myself the most.

 

[almost_dead]

I feel like shit for asking my husband to do things differently or make him do things I have no physical problem doing on my own.

Why are you doing this ?
Also why have you used quotes on friend ? Are they not your friend ?

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Hey dude, can you share a little more on what made you think this way in particular?
I mean, I can relate a lot to the everything you described about the "seconds".
The thing you described about your husband, I can relate to too. Though in my case it's with my father, I ask him to do stuff for me constantly, when I am being a lazy person and not caring at times.
Well... I guess your post makes a lot of sense to be honest. "They" have been trying to creep back into my brain and mostly have.
The big unknown of what a person is doing on this Earth.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Why are you doing this ?
Also why have you used quotes on friend ? Are they not your friend ?

Mental shit. I just can't do things. I'd say anxiety and that's part of it. It's not a mental disability or anything just my disorders..... I just cant.

As for the friend. Hes... More than a friend. He's an ex that cares about me a lot.

Hey dude, can you share a little more on what made you think this way in particular?

I've been spending days? (I couldn't tell you I have a memory problem too) with my thoughts and feelings and no way to get them out. My brain is like an assembly line and even if I want to talk about it the thought is out the door and I can't remember it. Of course its always replaced by another thought. I feel like a burden because I try to get better but I'm not sure why so now I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. Not even this really explains it.

 

[Ghost2211]

I really think you should talk to a neurologist since it sounds like it's new for you. Any physical symptoms or just memory and communication?

 

[Life_and_Death]

I really think you should talk to a neurologist since it sounds like it's new for you. Any physical symptoms or just memory and communication?

A lot of the mental problems I have mess with the memory in some way or another. Honestly I'm just amazed I have any memory left at all. Just memory though. For the most part I don't have any physical problems although my movements physically feel awkward. But I'm 99% sure it's all just my dissociation. That messes with a lot of things.

 

[Ghost2211]

A lot of the mental problems I have mess with the memory in some way or another. Honestly I'm just amazed I have any memory left at all. Just memory though. For the most part I don't have any physical problems although my movements physically feel awkward. But I'm 99% sure it's all just my dissociation. That messes with a lot of things.

Fair enough. When people start mentioning sudden communication problems it's kind of an oh no sort of thing.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Fair enough. When people start mentioning sudden communication problems it's kind of an oh no sort of thing.

Well it's difficult to keep things straight when you kind of randomly space out lol

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm sure if anyone here could see MY life, how I spend my days, they would have a new outlook on their own lives. They might even have their depression lift. Sorry to sound like it's a competition but when I read things they actually sound like a big improvement to me over what I live with. I was thinking "wow she can move!" "wow she has an ex who cares about her!" "wow she has a husband who does things for her!" "wow she has no physical problems!" I'm understanding though, problems come in all kinds.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm sure if anyone here could see MY life, how I spend my days, they would have a new outlook on their own lives. They might even have their depression lift. Sorry to sound like it's a competition but when I read things they actually sound like a big improvement to me over what I live with. I was thinking "wow she can move!" "wow she has an ex who cares about her!" "wow she has a husband who does things for her!" "wow she has no physical problems!" I'm understanding though, problems come in all kinds.

My problems are internal not external