Why can’t I ever just do it!

[cherylblossom]

Suicide has been on my mind every day since I was raped, it made me feel worthless, unloved, unwanted and ashamed and each day that goes by I hate life more and more but I have an amazing husband and 3 kids. How do I leave them?!
Is there anyone on here from Nebraska? I don't mean to be to forward but I could use a text or ca support person

 

[Smart No More]

Does your husband know about what happened and the impact it had on you?

You can get past this. It's possible. Don't less some perv ruin you. Being raped is horrid, I totally get that and my intention isn't to downplay it. It's clearly impacted you in the worst way. Don't know if you've been able to speak it through with anyone supportive but I do know that people in support positions aren't always as cut out for their role so if you have had professional support and it hasn't worked I would implore you not to give up just yet. Mainly because I can say categorically that your worth isn't reflected in the actions of a rapist. It's not you that is worthless! You have nothing to be ashamed of. More than anything I don't think it's just or fair for someone that took that moment from you to ultimately (effectively) take yoye life. Don't give them that! They don't deserve it. Though they deserve to be held to account for it.


I'm self conscious about being patronising or preachy. I want to avoid that because I know its counter productive. I'm just saying what I think needs to be said in case you haven't heard it yet for whatever reason. It would be helpful to you if you can talk through, honestly, why it makes you feel the ways it does so that the right person can explain to you what you really need to hear deep down. You need to have it explained to you in a way that convinces you that your feelings, whilst entirely valid, are actually condemning you unfairly. I'm not a big fan of psych meds but for some they do work. Don't know if you've already been there. It seems like, from accounts I've read that the people it really works for are people (otherwise healthy) stuck in a gloom much like yourself and they use it for a short period which allows them breathing room to rise above the issue they face and swim their way out of it as a result. When you're stuck in that place it's hard to zoom out and see the bigger picture. Perhaps the right support and maybe meds would help do that for you.

I guess it depends what you already tried but if fucking sucks to imagine someone with their health and a family taking their life because of the actions of some selfish self serving prick/s. I'll say it again, they don't define you. You are separate from that act. If you can do it, think of it like this. That act wasn't you. You weren't complicit in it. It was just an action much like tripping over, getting your foot stepped or being verbally abused. It happened and it wasn't fair but it ended and the only way it lives on is if you keep it alive. Killing yourself over it will make it live on for the rest of your childrens lives and it doesn't deserve that power.

I would also suggest getting even if that's possible. I mean legally. Was the person charged? It wouldn't be healthy for me to suggest getting even 'physically' whatever that would intail but I personally, if it were me, wouldn't quite rule it out. Maybe save it for a last hurrah if legal preceedings and 'therapy' didn't help.

Rapist are scum! Rape victims are not!

 

[cherylblossom]

You're statement is probably the most support I've had through this entire horrible ordeal. My husband knows and he does his best to help but he will never really understand how I feel. I feel like I lost myself and I can't seem to find her again.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I am so sorry you had to go through that.

I agree with @Smart No More, rapist are scum and they deserved to have the same done to them.

You have nothing to be ashamed of and you shouldn't let this ruin your life, no matter how hard I imagine it might be.

You have a family, you are not alone, a lot of people here don't have that. So don't waste it and don't do that to your family, they need you.

My advice is that you do a lot of therapy. Maybe go to a psychiatrist and be medicated to help you get back to who you were before all of that.

Don't give up. I wish you and your family the best. I really hope you can get through this awful situation.

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry about what happened to you. Don't let rapist win. Pick yourself back up. I understand that after traumatic event one can lose sense of self, it happened to me as well, but my situation is permanent and you can pick yourself up and have life like before. I would suggest you give it some more time, try to get some justice if possible legally. You have things to live for and I believe you gonna come back to yourself after some time and enjoy life again.

 

[Smart No More]

I think the first move is to find someone to open up to about it. You probably want avoid saying you're suicidal because that can start a chain reaction of events that will make things harder. You could however say that you've been holding in some feeling that are eating away at you, desteoying your quality of like and that (this is the important bit) you don't feel like you can carry on the way you feel. This is the truth after all. It's just best to keep the word suicide out of it unless you literally feel you're about to do something you can't take back.

Maybe do a search for relevant support where you live or/and speak with your doctor. If you find it hard to talk about try to put the things you need to say in writing. You would probably be best doing that even as something to refer to in conversations because things can move fast and get you in a tailspin where you'll foeget to mention everything. It happens to me all the time in appointments.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I can't imagine going through what you have. The others are right.............seek out some help. There are groups around that can help. If you can't find something around you, search online for a support group of others who have been through the same as you and who can understand what it is like. I'm not dismissing how you are feeling, but I think, in your case, that talking is where you need to start in order to see if things can get better. There are no guarantees, of course, but I think it may be worth trying before completely giving up. Good luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must have been so horrible and unbearable what you went through, some people really are so cruel. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever you decide to do, I'm sorry that you are suffering so much.

 

[cherylblossom]

Well the shit storm just keeps on getting better over here! Arrested for 3rd degree assault for sticking up for myself Found my adopted brother just for him to blow me off husband who never understands me or how I feel I just want this to all go away. I can't keep this tragic bs of a life up much longer!!!!!