Venting Why can't I ask for help

[ImNotReal]

Ive gone to one single therapist appointment. Recommendation from a boyfriend at the time and I never did it again. I went to my doctor and said I had suicidal thoughts. I took SSRIS for about a month and just quit. I mask my depression so well that I don't even think anyone even suspects I'm depressed. I would rather silently suffer then even begin to try to help myself. Even in school and shit I felt great anxiety for asking teachers or whoever for help. Once I was caught cutting by teachers and was sent to the counselor and I lied about my abuse and pretended I was just a kid being stupid. Mom got called and she still makes fun of the situation like it's a joke.

I want help. I so desperately need some sort of guidance or something. I can feel myself getting worse. Addictions are getting worse. I'm doing bad things to myself and people that are close to me.

Im just gonna keep getting worse until I kill myself

 

[Fantasy22]

if you don't feel safe asking anyone then you can always seek anonymous resources. Not like the hotline, I usually just browse through the forum look for advice or sometimes I talk to chat gpt, they give me advice like a therapist but without the real human judgment. it's hard to reach out irl, at least for me. If you're still looking for help hopefully you find it, I wish I can help but I never got great advice just try to make you feel seen and heard

 

[metothemoon]

I can totally relate. I do want help, but I am so afraid to ask. Keep pretending everything is fine, while slowly dying inside. Keep getting worse, but not able to change anything. It feels very lonely…