Discussion Why are you still here?

[MapleS]

Why are you still here? What is your reason for trying/still existing?

For me it's my friend. They are an amazing friend. Accepting that I have a choice. My death would break him so I'm still trying

 

[OOUUneverover]

Why are you still here? What is your reason for trying/still existing?

For me it's my friend. They are an amazing friend. Accepting that I have a choice. My death would break him so I'm still trying

I have no friends. I don't particularly care about my family either. I stick around because I don't have a good method yet planned out, and also just in case anything interesting happens in the world. idk.

 

[boyafraid]

I'm sticking around because of I have not found the best method, and a good family friend will give birth soon. I backed out once from a method that I was almost 100 percent. I also attempted almost two months ago(did not have family friend in mind) but failed. There were things that stopped me in the past, but not anymore. After my good friend delivers her baby, I'll be back looking for more methods again most likely. Btw I'm glad you have a great friend! Sometimes that's all some people need to keep going (:

 

[Unlucky777]

My nieces
I'm going back to school to study a subject I LOVE
Healing from my traumas of my past

Despite these reasons for being here I also want to go. It's a daily battle of these forces

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

For me it's my friend. They are an amazing friend. Accepting that I have a choice. My death would break him so I'm still trying

same

while they're ok with me ctb'ing
it would still hurt them

 

[Proceed]

Pretty much just my pastimes/interests. Besides that I have nothing. Also not having the guts to die yet.

 

[KenDuh]

I'm too afraid to die, so I keep on living, but I don't like it, but also maybe my mother, idk

 

[qw3rty259]

I want to die soon. But seems like my situation has to be absolutely terrible for my mind to stop caring. I'm also sad that I have to leave my mother and cat on their own. The only soothing thought is that I'll also leave a solid sum of money for her. I hope she'll be alright to use it and will take my death like a stoic

 

[TorturedCerebrum]

I know my mom would be broken, and im too pussc to go through with anything. I want to graduate as well

 

[woofwag]

Riding out this last trip back to my hometown for the holidays. Then I want to do some shrooms and ket since I think my plug is finally back from his vacation. I also promised my bestie I would sew him a plushie so there's that too. And I need to write out all my notes physically. Always lots of things to do. But I do love my friends, and I want to make this as easy on them as I am capable of doing.

 

[FoxSauce]

Hmm still holding to some hope tbh. Plus I dont wanna cause any paint to my family, also im a coward when it comes to death.

I never had the balls to do it tbh just in the brink I guess.

 

[Dust_And_Moonlight]

- My family. I know that me dying would just break everything in their lives, and I just can't do that. Like 90% of my energy goes to not 'breaking' so that I don't fuck their lives up even more than they already are.

- Lack of trust. I simply can't trust my own judgement with anything, and the same goes for any potential CTB methods or motivations. Sure, I might feel like I want to die, but can I trust myself with that? Can I trust any method I choose? I can't even put my trust into things that might actually help me, let alone anything to do with suicide.

- I'm good at finding small nuggets of things to look forward to. A film next month, a game next year, and so on. Never anything major, and definitely nothing that could ever really bring me true happiness, but always 'something.'

Honestly, I'm kind of at a point where I've already mentally checked out. So whilst I'm not actively wanting to catch the bus, I'm still very much waiting at the bus stop. I'm still here but sort of not at the same time.

 

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

Movies and shows are a big one to me, lol.
Past several years where I had to give myself reasons to not end my life it was often me waiting for some new show that was going to come out within a year or two.

I still have some tiny hope ig, and knowing I can just jump off that super tall bridge in case things really get bad helps, too.
I strangely don't fear death right now, but maybe that's hypomania speaking, in which case that's good to know for when I do want to attempt again, lol.

 

[miles-away]

I'll at least make an attempt at fixing my shitty life.

 

[Spite]

My mother would be absolutely devastated to see me go. That, and I'm only really here because I currently don't have access to any viable, surefire ways to CTB. Things like discovering great new music, working on creative projects and playing video games keep me alive as well.

 

[maylurker]

i found my copes for now

 

[ScaredCutter]

for my boyfriend, my 2 cats and that i keep on pondering (if its the right word) on the future.

 

[jakelonely]

My mom

 

[BullsDon'tFly]

- My family. I know that me dying would just break everything in their lives, and I just can't do that. Like 90% of my energy goes to not 'breaking' so that I don't fuck their lives up even more than they already are.

- Lack of trust. I simply can't trust my own judgement with anything, and the same goes for any potential CTB methods or motivations. Sure, I might feel like I want to die, but can I trust myself with that? Can I trust any method I choose? I can't even put my trust into things that might actually help me, let alone anything to do with suicide.

- I'm good at finding small nuggets of things to look forward to. A film next month, a game next year, and so on. Never anything major, and definitely nothing that could ever really bring me true happiness, but always 'something.'

Honestly, I'm kind of at a point where I've already mentally checked out. So whilst I'm not actively wanting to catch the bus, I'm still very much waiting at the bus stop. I'm still here but sort of not at the same time.

We share more or less the same reasons. I feel so guilty when I think about my parents eventually discovering my body and moreover I don't want to attempt and getting saved by them again, so right now I'm settled on staying alive for another week for the Holidays. In the meantime I try to get distracted by films or new music too, even if the little glimpses of beauty aren't enough to provide a greater sense to my experience of being alive.
Also, I think that me catching the bus would make my ex girlfriend blame herself and she's definitely not deserving that burden. On top of everything I'm still living with my parents, so I don't have a steady environment to prepare myself in.

These reasons aren't always enough to stop myself desiring to cease existing, so I'm still looking into methods and stuff, but not as something I have to do with urgency as of now.