Venting Everything is honestly fine and I'm still miserable

[crabclaw]

I have an unbelievably good life. Supportive parents, a loving partner, money, education, and an able body. I don't understand why I can't get out of depression. I've been depressed for about half of my life now. I'm pretty young but that still feels like so much.

I understand that I have depression, and that there's not a whole lot I can do about that. I understand that there are some things about me or some things that have happened in the past that make me sad, but I just don't get why I can't get over them. I know it's going to take time, and truthfully, I haven't tried everything yet in terms of recovery and I know I should. But it's so much effort and most of the time I'd rather stay miserable. It feels comforting and nice and I would absolutely just love to spiral and slowly get worse and worse until I eventually kill myself.

I also know that that's not a unique feeling. Recovery is so difficult. And it's very tiring being told to keep trying. I hate feeling obligated to live. I wish more people understood how important the choice to kill oneself is without immediately just jumping to the conclusion that you only think that way because you're depressed.

Anyways, a very jumbled up bunch of my thoughts. I'm severely depressed in the clinical sense, but emotionally am doing fairly well so that's nice. First post here, will see you around.

 

[BlueberrySylv]

have you been to therapy and been medicated ?

more often than not when things like this happens usually the blame is not you or your surrounding but your own mind. hell even if you have true reasons to be miserable your brain can be just fucked up.

for example. myself. my education is fucked. lost my father and sister throughout my life. and been a neet my whole life too. living in a third world country.

a lot more that if I were to list. I'd genuinely feel shit. and it was the reason I came here and tried to. you know. delete my body.

but once I got under meds. I started recovering and feeling a lot better. and now I'm off of them I still feel much better too.

and I recently noticed I have shit ton of anxiety too. so I'm getting myself some herbal medication to help with them (as other stuff are not OTC) and. I don't have the money and neither does my family to get to a doctor.
so yeah!! It's. Really just about figuring it out slowly. going to doctors. etc

 

[crabclaw]

have you been to therapy and been medicated ?

more often than not when things like this happens usually the blame is not you or your surrounding but your own mind. hell even if you have true reasons to be miserable your brain can be just fucked up.

for example. myself. my education is fucked. lost my father and sister throughout my life. and been a neet my whole life too. living in a third world country.

a lot more that if I were to list. I'd genuinely feel shit. and it was the reason I came here and tried to. you know. delete my body.

but once I got under meds. I started recovering and feeling a lot better. and now I'm off of them I still feel much better too.

and I recently noticed I have shit ton of anxiety too. so I'm getting myself some herbal medication to help with them (as other stuff are not OTC) and. I don't have the money and neither does my family to get to a doctor.
so yeah!! It's. Really just about figuring it out slowly. going to doctors. etc

Yeah I've been in and out of therapy for a few years, although I've never been able to have a long-term therapist, which I'm really annoyed about. And I have been medicated for a long time, but have just recently switched to a new medication because I felt that the first one never helped me at all. So honestly yeah, I know I need to give it more time and keep trying, because I can probably get better, even if not entirely.

Glad to hear that medicines have been helpful for you, wishing you all the best in recovery :)!!

 

[Grasp of darkness]

Sometimes, nothing quite feels like enough. Right now, i have everything you posess, minus the loving partner. I convince myself that that is the missing piece, that that will fix everything. It is most likely a naive thought.

I try to experience as many things as i can. Love, drugs, intense physical experiences. It makes me feel alive momentarily, but i don't know if it will ever fill that void. As long as we are alive, we might aswell test our limits.

 

[Nothing.]

Yeah I've been in and out of therapy for a few years, although I've never been able to have a long-term therapist, which I'm really annoyed about. And I have been medicated for a long time, but have just recently switched to a new medication because I felt that the first one never helped me at all. So honestly yeah, I know I need to give it more time and keep trying, because I can probably get better, even if not entirely.

Glad to hear that medicines have been helpful for you, wishing you all the best in recovery :)!!

I hope you can find a good therapist. It does take sometime, but I hope it doesn't dampen your resolve. I wish you luck on your journey to recovery.

 

[m3nhera]

have you been to therapy and been medicated ?

more often than not when things like this happens usually the blame is not you or your surrounding but your own mind. hell even if you have true reasons to be miserable your brain can be just fucked up.

for example. myself. my education is fucked. lost my father and sister throughout my life. and been a neet my whole life too. living in a third world country.

a lot more that if I were to list. I'd genuinely feel shit. and it was the reason I came here and tried to. you know. delete my body.

but once I got under meds. I started recovering and feeling a lot better. and now I'm off of them I still feel much better too.

and I recently noticed I have shit ton of anxiety too. so I'm getting myself some herbal medication to help with them (as other stuff are not OTC) and. I don't have the money and neither does my family to get to a doctor.
so yeah!! It's. Really just about figuring it out slowly. going to doctors. etc

I'm really glad meds have helped you!!! It's always cool to hear someone not feeling the crushing weight of being alive all the time anymore