Discussion Why are there so many regulars here?? Also, hot take, don't kill yourself (probably) lol

[25menrunning]

There's a lot of people here discussing sources and methods. A lot of people commenting, a lot of people dooming. I just don't really understand. Yes, there aren't really any posts here that explicitly and super easily tell you how to access certain chemicals or medications. But there's enough that with some digging you can certainly find it. As well as how to do things, and info on more common methods as well (not substances). So many people here will post stuff talking about how to kill yourself for years.

Some people (I'm assuming you know who I'm talking about) comment on nearly every popular post about how terrible life is and how much suicide is the solution and death is relief (which I'm against the premise of but whatever. Keep in mind I'm quite suicidal and I completely understand why someone would attempt, but the idea of death as relief or something nebulous or beautiful is just false which I think is sad and also dangerous).

Why are we telling people how to kill themselves? Why are these people who are so pro-suicide, still living and on this website? I suspect for many it's the kind of passive bridging active suicidality I and many others have struggled with for years. It's comforting to be able to bask in suicidality. It provides relief on some level.

But I will not assist people in killing themselves. There's honestly a lot of really good arguments not to. The impact on loved ones, or really anyone that knows you, is absolutely insane. Which isn't enough, but should sure as hell be highly considered. Everyone will die anyways. That's where a lot of existential dread comes from. Whether you kill yourself, spend your dies on this site, or live completely 'normally', death comes for us all. Infinite nothingness, a blip of something, and then more infinite nothingness. To shorten that blip is interesting. But the end is the same either way. Which can be relief. Suicide attempts often fail, and ruin peoples lives. Luckily, life can do it for you. And life WILL do it for you, whether you want it to or not. You just have to wait.

Death isn't relief. Releif is a feeling. You feel the pressure in your head, or pain around your neck, or excruciating stomach pain, or dizziness, and then...

End of sentence. That's it.

Life has potential to improve, for you to want to live it. You won't know if you end it. It also has potential to get worse, which is a lot of why I want to die. And it's exhausting. But logically, it's usually the wrong choice. Because the potential to improve or bring joy or be glad you lived outweighs the other options, since you'll get both eventually. Even if life gets worse, it'll end one day. Either option will take your life. Only one option leaves the door open for a blip of happiness.

I also don't want to encourage others to die, because selfish or not, it would weigh on me. If I feel like someone died because of me, that's haunting as fuck.

Just know what you're getting yourself into. I can't convince you not to, no one really fully can, and this certainly isn't the place you'd be looking for it. But don't romanticize death. You won't find peace or releif. You won't be there to feel better or to feel anything at all. There won't even be a 'you'. You'll probably be in excrutiating pain, and then nada. Nothing more to experience. Yes, you take away all potential for future suffering. But you also take away potential for getting better, for a life worth living, for the joy of certain moments.

Something I found online too that encapsulates some of this:
It's a suicidal person's fantasy that if you actually did it, suddenly you'd get all the love people have been withholding.

In reality, the people who are selfish and don't care about you when you're alive will not change their characters. People will make drama about your death in ways that put the attention on them, and they will control the narrative. They will tell the story of why you died and what you were like when you were alive, and you won't be around to counter it. The people who bullied or abused you won't have a sudden shock of guilt and repent--they will blame everyone but themselves, they will put the blame on you yourself, they will get to be the main character and the real victim and it will all be about them. It will be a free-for-all feeding frenzy of sympathy and attention for everyone around you, the people who are still alive, and no one will care what you think anymore because you're not here and you will never give them anything ever again.

The people who genuinely loved you will feel crushed and abandoned by your choice. Either they will just hurt immensely and have to leave you in the past to survive themselves, or they might follow you into death--suicide is unfortunately contagious. You won't have a place of honor in the world with them either. You'll be a wound. Someone they can't bear to think of often, or for very long, because they want that wound to close.

The world is always about the people who are alive living in it, not the people who are gone. The second panel doesn't even exist. You don't get a placeholder in the world. Your story is over. There is only a footnote in other people's stories. Only their lives, their drama, their main character moments. Absolutely nothing is about you once you die, it is only about how others cope with your absence, and even that only in small percentage--mostly it is simply about them and has less and less and less to do with you at all. And if they weren't nice to you when you were alive, they won't be very nice in your wake either.

The ego that cares so much if someone thinks you're annoying cannot fully imagine its own dissolution, its own impermanence. Suicide is not a way to become liked.

Maybe this is the real blackpill or whatever, but anyone I think I'd have to literally die to make them think better of me wouldn't actually think better of me even if I did die.

Now. I'm still suicidal. There's a good chance this is how I'll die. But I thought I'd mention why I think it's still the illogical decision in many cases, even if I give myself permission to be illogical to escape this pain and fatigue and uncertainty. Don't make a permanent decision you don't fully understand. And more of us then we'd like to think don't truly understand death.



That was a long tangent. My original question is why there are so many 'regulars' here. You'd assume by nature of the site they'd ether recover and leave or... something else. Doesn't take away from any pain or seriousness of this that they haven't yet. And again, for many, it makes sense. Though this isn't the healthiest nor safest place to vent. It's just weird to me.

If you want to improve, try to limit your time on this site. It has it's merits, notably being able to talk about being suicidal without people freaking so much. But it's not really good for you. Get what you need out of it, then limit your time. Bad actors are a concern too. That's my advice.

 

[majmun32]

I think that people who kill themselves are too optimistic. Who knows what awaits on the other side, and if everything really is infinite, then there must be some reucurrence of consciuousness.

 

[SASU-KE]

Thing is, individuals here have different life circumstances. There are some in chronic pain who don't have any choice but to plan an exit. Others in constant mental agony.

Your advice of saying that if one wants to improve they need to limit the time on the site is very simplistic. Their issues have nothing to do with the site.

 

[heyy]

I am quite the opposite (not pro death but pro choice) it is logically better to not exist in my opinion. why can't some people just not let them make the choice they want?? no one asked u if u want to be born, why not let them at least decide how and when they go?

I know for some people it is a temporary feeling to want to die. Sometimes therapy and changes etc really help them to improve their lives and are later happy to be alive, but thats not the truth for everyone. some things can't be healed. that is the truth. doesnt matter if its physical or mentally. people need to understand that they are not always in the position to judge and force people to stay alive (not reffering to u).


english is not my first language, hope it is fairly easy to read :P

Thing is, individuals here have different life circumstances. There are some in chronic pain who don't have any choice but to plan an exit. Others in constant mental agony.

Your advice of saying that if one wants to improve they need to limit the time on the site is very simplistic. Their issues have nothing to do with the site.

totally agree <3

 

[25menrunning]

Thing is, individuals here have different life circumstances. There are some in chronic pain who don't have any choice but to plan an exit. Others in constant mental agony.

Your advice of saying that if one wants to improve they need to limit the time on the site is very simplistic. Their issues have nothing to do with the site.

I know, I have a serious chronic health issue which is a lot of why I'm suicidal. But spending time on this site does not help that. And it also doesn't kill you. It just is a little dangerous because you don't know who sees your posts, and probably bad for your mental state. I resolved a long time ago to strive to not think about suicide in that in-between way, of not really doing it but also thinking about it all the time. Probably made me more of a risk to myself and contributed to my serious suicide attempt last year because it increased my impulsivity since the other non 'just thinking about it's is to actually attempt, but it was good in some ways too because most of the time it meant I was just living my life. The suicidality itself is damaging to you, regardless of other things. Though it is comforting.

 

[interna]

i get what you're saying but i don't think most people here care about whether this forum & suicide ideation itself does them more bad than good

 

[Dejected 55]

A lot of people on here, myself included, have tried and failed... some of us multiple times. All the information out there, sometimes even when followed to the letter, don't work for everyone as described. Or it feels different than you were expecting and you bail mid-attempt. There are lots of us here who really want to go but haven't figured out how to do it successfully yet.

Meanwhile, the notion of "only one choice leaves the option to improve"... turns out, the same option that gives "potential for improvement" also allows you to continue suffering and perhaps suffer more each day than the one before... so there's that. There's no guarantee anything will ever get better just like there's no guarantee it will continue to get worse... but for most of us there has been many years of anecdotal evidence that, for us at least, things tend to get worse more so than get better over time.

 

[25menrunning]

I am quite the opposite (not pro death but pro choice) it is logically better to not exist in my opinion. why can't some people just not let them make the choice they want?? no one asked u if u want to be born, why not let them at least decide how and when they go?

I know for some people it is a temporary feeling to want to die. Sometimes therapy and changes etc really help them to improve their lives and are later happy to be alive, but thats not the truth for everyone. some things can't be healed. that is the truth. doesnt matter if its physical or mentally. people need to understand that they are not always in the position to judge and force people to stay alive (not reffering to u).


english is not my first language, hope it is fairly easy to read :P

totally agree <3

I've been suicidal for a lot of years. I totally understand this perspective. I don't think its morally wrong or anything other then the way that it impacts others, which is still a (very major) thing regardless of if its 'fair' or not. But again, it's a bit less logical then you think. Because a lot of people are suicidal because they want relief, or peace. Just look at so many posts here. And that's not what death actually is. You have no peace, no feeling, no abstract beauty, no person to enjoy the lack of pain, nothing. People are making literally the most significant decision you can make without even understanding it.

Does that make them crazy or stupid? No way. Most people don't really understand death. It's normal. Society makes up stories to varying degrees about it to cope both with the reality that death comes for us all, but also (whether people would like to admit it or not), often to cope with life. Because if suicide is something its not, that means you have a much better escape valve then we really do. I understand why. But it's not real.

i get what you're saying but i don't think most people here care about whether this forum & suicide ideation itself does them more bad than good

I mean yeah, fair.

 

[Hollowman]

I haven't ended myself yet because I'm trying to outlive my mom. The day she dies or very shortly after I'm out.

 

[gardenoflonely]

Just out of curiosity, when you people comment on thinking about the family are those of us without support systems just supposed to kill ourselves on the spot reading things like that or what? Why is it always the same line about living for others?

 

[Myforevercharlie]

There's a lot of people here discussing sources and methods. A lot of people commenting, a lot of people dooming. I just don't really understand. Yes, there aren't really any posts here that explicitly and super easily tell you how to access certain chemicals or medications. But there's enough that with some digging you can certainly find it. As well as how to do things, and info on more common methods as well (not substances). So many people here will post stuff talking about how to kill yourself for years.

Some people (I'm assuming you know who I'm talking about) comment on nearly every popular post about how terrible life is and how much suicide is the solution and death is relief (which I'm against the premise of but whatever. Keep in mind I'm quite suicidal and I completely understand why someone would attempt, but the idea of death as relief or something nebulous or beautiful is just false which I think is sad and also dangerous).

Why are we telling people how to kill themselves? Why are these people who are so pro-suicide, still living and on this website? I suspect for many it's the kind of passive bridging active suicidality I and many others have struggled with for years. It's comforting to be able to bask in suicidality. It provides relief on some level.

But I will not assist people in killing themselves. There's honestly a lot of really good arguments not to. The impact on loved ones, or really anyone that knows you, is absolutely insane. Which isn't enough, but should sure as hell be highly considered. Everyone will die anyways. That's where a lot of existential dread comes from. Whether you kill yourself, spend your dies on this site, or live completely 'normally', death comes for us all. Infinite nothingness, a blip of something, and then more infinite nothingness. To shorten that blip is interesting. But the end is the same either way. Which can be relief. Suicide attempts often fail, and ruin peoples lives. Luckily, life can do it for you. And life WILL do it for you, whether you want it to or not. You just have to wait.

Death isn't relief. Releif is a feeling. You feel the pressure in your head, or pain around your neck, or excruciating stomach pain, or dizziness, and then...

End of sentence. That's it.

Life has potential to improve, for you to want to live it. You won't know if you end it. It also has potential to get worse, which is a lot of why I want to die. And it's exhausting. But logically, it's usually the wrong choice. Because the potential to improve or bring joy or be glad you lived outweighs the other options, since you'll get both eventually. Even if life gets worse, it'll end one day. Either option will take your life. Only one option leaves the door open for a blip of happiness.

I also don't want to encourage others to die, because selfish or not, it would weigh on me. If I feel like someone died because of me, that's haunting as fuck.




Now. I'm still suicidal. There's a good chance this is how I'll die. But I thought I'd mention why I think it's still the illogical decision in many cases, even if I give myself permission to be illogical to escape this pain and fatigue and uncertainty. Don't make a permanent decision you don't fully understand. And more of us then we'd like to think don't truly understand death.



That was a long tangent. My original question is why there are so many 'regulars' here. You'd assume by nature of the site they'd ether recover and leave or... something else. Doesn't take away from any pain or seriousness of this that they haven't yet. And again, for many, it makes sense. Though this isn't the healthiest nor safest place to vent. It's just weird to me.

If you want to improve, try to limit your time on this site. It has it's merits, notably being able to talk about being suicidal without people freaking so much. But it's not really good for you. Get what you need out of it, then limit your time. Bad actors are a concern too. That's my advice.

Why someone ( me including) stays here for years is non of your concern. If someone finds a place here, does it really matter then? If they're here to find a way to end their lives or just wants to be heard / supported/ find people who're dealing with the same they do, I don't see a problem with that.


Especially when you realize some even find a reason to give life another chance.

Pro choice works both ways.

 

[Hollowman]

Just out of curiosity, when you people comment on thinking about the family are those of us without support systems just supposed to kill ourselves on the spot reading things like that or what? Why is it always the same line about living for others?

You're supposed to do whatever you think is best for you.

 

[bugfart]

I'm here because speaking about my feelings honestly gets me whisked away into the ward where I'm traumatized, beaten, potentially sexually harrassed or attempted to be assaulted, etc. the mental health system is a trap and there is a limit to "free speech". It's comforting to read people feeling the same way and knowing I'm not alone or to make friends who feel the same way without getting too attached to them, and just speak my mind. I've tried many times and I plan to do it this year when im finally living (semi) alone, you have to remember a lot of people who attempt often are highly monitored after, they may be forced to move back home or live with roomates.

I'm posting this from a dimmed phone screen with my mom sleeping in a bed next to mine because she didn't trust me to stay at our house during her trip. I can't attempt right now and I'm not left alone during the summer when I'm home from university, and previously I've had resident assistants check on me or have had roommates. Life only gets worse when you attempt and if people care about you they'll never leave you alone again. In the ward I couldn't even pee with the door closed due to policies. Different people have different outlets and ways of coping. I don't advise people on how to die and I try to show that I'm listening to them, I try to chime in and say how I'm feeling and that I hear them, that's what most people on the forum are looking for. Humans are social creatures. And what's good or bad isn't for you to say. I don't get triggered from talking about suicide but some might. I feel comforted from being able to talk about my feelings with suicidal ideation/ about morbid topics without the threat of being sent to the ward or even court ordered/ put in handcuffs again.

 

[valleyofthedolls]

I've noticed that a user called Funeralcry basically lives on this website

 

[They call me Death.]

I don't really understand the meaning of this post. As in, I don't think this post belongs on a website like this But maybe I didn't read it well enough, idk. I'm tired.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

For me it is the loneliness of my mental illness. I have loved ones but I have become a burden to all of them and I am so ashamed. I want to die and I need a place to vent my feelings as I have no one that understands or wants to listen to me anymore. Being able to express myself on here has actually kept me alive longer.