Why am I still planning suicide despite feeling good?

[antinatalist123]

I will leave the psych ward tomorrow and I'm fairly certain of killing myself with sodium nitrite when it arrives soon. But my life has gotten better. I have caring friends, my parents aren't bad people, and my mood is good, best in a long time. I make plans with friends such as English tutoring and hanging out like I'm not suicidal, even though I would not finish these plans.

Maybe I have experienced enough pain to distrust the recent improvement. At any rate I yearn for the nothingness. Even though it would hurt and inconvenience my family and friends.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Suicidal Ideation is something many of us here, live with, some are active, some are passive. Having just come out of a ward, I can imagine your emotions are still running high, how come you went in, and how long were you in for?
When you go home, give your self time, see if those feelings ease, embrace the help from friends and family, and see were you are in a weeks, months time

 

[JustLosingMyself]

It feels reassuringly familiar.
Habits die hard
It takes conscious effort to identify the thought and then redirect them

 

[Jellyfish42]

Is it possible you're feeling nervous or overwhelmed? You're likely accustomed to the hospital routine and now will have to continue without that support as you're getting discharged. I would say give it a chance and try to figure out a routine on the outside. If not then just try to incorporate the hospital routine into your life as much as possible. There's a lot more freedoms outside of the psych ward, but if you've been in the ward for some time then of course it will take some time adjusting to life on the outside.

 

[262653]

I see nothing wrong with planning. It means that you're concerned about your future.

Oh, you mean you're planning to do it soon. I don't know what to say to that.

 

[antinatalist123]

Suicidal Ideation is something many of us here, live with, some are active, some are passive. Having just come out of a ward, I can imagine your emotions are still running high, how come you went in, and how long were you in for?
When you go home, give your self time, see if those feelings ease, embrace the help from friends and family, and see were you are in a weeks, months time

I'm still in and leaving tomorrow. Damn, I became depressed again, but I'm not spending another day in this prison so I'm trying my best to fake happiness...

I was kinda forced here by my parents for a month for depression, doing ECT that I didn't agree to with severe side effects that made me pound my head on the wall in desperation. I was feeling better recently but like I said, I'm not feeling well now.

It feels reassuringly familiar.
Habits die hard
It takes conscious effort to identify the thought and then redirect them

I'm so used to the idea of suicide that the thought of continuing to live is terrifying, and my nihilistic, pessimistic attitude never changed.

Is it possible you're feeling nervous or overwhelmed? You're likely accustomed to the hospital routine and now will have to continue without that support as you're getting discharged. I would say give it a chance and try to figure out a routine on the outside. If not then just try to incorporate the hospital routine into your life as much as possible. There's a lot more freedoms outside of the psych ward, but if you've been in the ward for some time then of course it will take some time adjusting to life on the outside.

With due respect, I hate this place with its routines and terrible food. I don't feel overwhelmed. I've made the decision long ago, but recent changes in mood are confusing me. I was laughing and talking about the future with another patient yet I'm still planning to die soon.

I see nothing wrong with planning. It means that you're concerned about your future.

Oh, you mean you're planning to do it soon. I don't know what to say to that.

With the boost in mood I was a lot more talkative and I agreed to tutor two patients English when I leave, but I may die as early as two days after discharge when the SN arrives. Wtf is wrong with me.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I feel this - I have ups and downs and I still think about CTB all the time when I'm on the up. I think it's because we know it's all temporary? We know chances are it's going to come crashing back down soon so, might as well keep with it