Why am I having second thoughts constantly?

[ilostyourletter]

I don't understand why I'm always having second thoughts about suicide. I genuinely want to kill myself, I want it all to be over. The thoughts are constant and will never disappear. I don't know why I haven't done it yet. There is nothing achievable in my horrible life. I don't have a single friend in real life and I'm used to it, but the point is that I know my life is destined for failure. I'll never recover, it's beyond repair. I don't know why I can't just find the courage to go to that building and jump. What am I waiting for? There is nothing to achieve.
All I want is the motivation to finally do it and not look back.

I constantly overthink it, but realistically, I know it's the best way out for me. I don't want to be a burden on my parents until I'm 40 years old.

 

[shibby]

every human has a survival instinct and a glimpse of hope. u probably have that. im not sure what advice i should give since im not the best at that so i'll js wish you luck. i hope that some point you have a clear head and realize ur needs. if u do plan on ctb, i hope it goes peacefully without regrets. if you don't, i hope u find some people who appreciate u! i love u man and i hope u wont have to suffer any longer<3

 

[itsgone2]

every human has a survival instinct and a glimpse of hope.

If one still has any hope then they're in a bad spot. I have none, only si, and that's plenty.
I think the fear of pain is a factor too. Maybe it's also SI.

 

[shibby]

well hopefully u can suppress that and peacefully ctb. love ya to death kid