Discussion Who should I let find my body? What's the least cruel option?

[Canto XIII]

(Sorry for my terrible English. I've already posted this on the PSD section by mistake, but I'm reposting it here with some adjustments because I don't have much time left and I want some opinions. If this is against the rules I'm sorry, please delete this post, mods)

Hello, everyone, I'm new here. I was skeptical about joining, but ultimately this seems like the only place online where you can talk about these taboo subjects without being censored too much to effectively do so.

I come to the point. My parents are currently on vacation abroad, and I've been thinking this could be the right occasion to commit, without having to hide and without having to force them to find my body. I'm thinking of contacting the local hospital before so that paramedics can recover it. But is this really the least cruel course of action? Wouldn't receiving the news from someone else destroy them? Wouldn't the journey back home be an out-of-body nightmare? Maybe I should wait until they come back in town and just do it while there's nobody home so it's still the paramedics finding me?

What about leaving a letter behind, explaining my motivations? It's the stereotypical thing suicidal people do, but I'm afraid reading it would just heighten my loved ones' pain. And anyway I don't know if I feel like it, it would be somewhat like a search for meaning and self-image that I don't really see as consistent with my current feelings about myself.

So what do you think?

 

[sadbh]

leaving behind a note tends to be better than saying nothing at all. You can leave comforting words, tell them you're sorry for the pain you're inflicting on them, maybe describe why you want to die. It will help give them closure.

I'm a hypocrite though because I'm not leaving much a note behind for my family.

Also, there's the option of going missing and killing yourself in a remote area, but that sounds bad for closure. I'd advise though to not kill yourself in the home as it might make it hard for your parents to remember the spot and cleaning suicides can be $$$$.

Just my few cents.

 

[Canto XIII]

I'd advise though to not kill yourself in the home as it might make it hard for your parents to remember the spot and cleaning suicides can be $$$$.

I hadn't thought of this. Thank you for your answer.

maybe describe why you want to die

Well, they know already I've been struggling with mental illness for most of my life (and I've talked about suicide before), so it shouldn't come as much of a surprise lol (but yeah, I mentioned "motives" in my post so I see why you wrote that).

 

[sadbh]

I hadn't thought of this. Thank you for your answer.

That's just my personal opinion. Some deaths are messier than others and you can find ways to mitigate it, like killing yourself in the bathtub with a tarp laid down. Depending on how you time it, you may not leave a mess at all depending on the method, if someone finds you fast enough before you seriously decay.

I also would prefer having someone other than people I care about finding me. I don't want to traumatize them with that image. Leave it for a first responder who doesn't know you and gets paid to do that sort of thing.

 

[Canto XIII]

That's just my personal opinion. Some deaths are messier than others and you can find ways to mitigate it, like killing yourself in the bathtub with a tarp laid down. Depending on how you time it, you may not leave a mess at all depending on the method, if someone finds you fast enough before you seriously decay.

I also would prefer having someone other than people I care about finding me. I don't want to traumatize them with that image. Leave it for a first responder who doesn't know you and gets paid to do that sort of thing.

I was thinking about using sleep-inducing meds + a plastic bag (for anyone reading, don't try this, I have no idea what I'm talking about).

 

[sadbh]

I was thinking about using sleep-inducing meds + a plastic bag (for anyone reading, don't try this, I have no idea what I'm talking about).

In that case, maybe have a timed message sent out so your body can be found before your parents go home, but not fast enough to save you.