Venting I hate that I look like my father

[lithium00]

I don't necessarily want to talk about what he did but I feel a deep resentment against him but most of the time I was able to ignore that. What I can't ignore is what I look like. A few months ago I've seen a picture from where I was a child with my father in it and I look ridiculously similar to him. And since then I can't unsee that. I can't look in a mirror and not get incredibly mad. This sounds so stupid but this send me into a spiral and I have no idea what I can do about it. All I think about is how I carry a part of his genes and there is nothing I can do about it and that I'm basically trapped in my body. There is also no surgery which will fundamentally change my face. At least none which I'll ever be able to afford. I just want to rip my skin off and just smash my skull.

 

[herecomesthepain]

I hear ya. I once tried using one of those age apps that allow you to see what you'd look like as an old man. The picture it produced looked just like my Dad, who made my mother's life a living hell: physically, mentally, emotionally, financially...he was a bully and he passed that down to me. I never hit my mother but I did talk to her sometimes the way my father talked to her (put downs, snapping at the smallest things, etc.). She's since passed and I will never be able to make it up to her. I hate that the boy she loved grew up to become just like the man who tortured her. I hate that I have his face and will grow up to look just like him if I choose to remain in the world. I wish there was a simple way to just...end things for myself.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

People tell me I look just like my mother and I hate it. She was abusive growing up and I made sure I was nothing like her in my adulthood.

 

[Ikkuna]

My dad is ugly and I haven't seen him in over 5 years. Couldn't do one thing right

 

[volo]

Just more motivation and reminders not to be like him.