Who am I required "to be" , to be okay.

[dandan]

Ugly past, yeah like many happy and many sad people, I have my own sad story.

I realized, like REALLY realized, I wont gain anything from dwelling in the past. (Internal feeling of "oh i finally get it" , cause I read it and heard it many times before)

I am already half way to my goal, with TRT and steroids working cool for two years now to fight depression.
THEN there's LIFE, which can be quite a challenge.

LIFE requires me to let go of the past.
LIFE requires me to stop the mind and do whats necessary to create a life.

thats it, the only issue, is stopping my mind from going back to thoughts about my "condition" , "situation", "thinking about X, Y, Z".

Its required for me to at least stop thinking on my issues and really focus on the solution, however this is so hard, plus I dont want smoke weed,

So how will I achieve this?

Some thought is just "shut up" and "just do it", but sounds so easy

 

[Aleksandra]

since you were so kind to give me courage meant, i thought i'd return the favour

came out of the big mental breakdown i had last night and woke up today with that aftermath feeling i'm sure you and many people here will understand. but hey we have all lived through feeling the way we do, that makes us tough!

life is hard when you dwell on the past but i think the route of the problem is not confronting the past as that prevents you from moving on properly. my solution to my past was to put a plaster on it over and over on a wound that needed stitches.

my therapist once told me that to rebuild your life is like building a house. find a strong base first otherwise all the bricks you've worked so hard to put on top will fall apart faster than you built it. i haven't found my base yet but perhaps one day you can!

you're loved and your hard work in giving life one more chance will hopefully pay off in the end, my favourite phrase to everything is "it could be worse" hahah

good luck on your journey to recovery

 

[mossyfox]

I was never able to do it without meds. Still then I'm vulnerable to present day events that hit a sore spot because of past events and trigger suicidal feelings. But the meds stop me from actively thinking about the past, which would cause me to immediately kill myself if something also triggered me in the present and it would be impulsive, rash and not thought out.

 

[timf]

There is a force in life one might call momentum. It can be thought of as similar to the physical force of inertia. If one had built momentum that was not helpful (like dwelling on the past), it can take a while to apply the brakes. It sounds like you are ready to start a new direction in life but you have not yet built up an momentum on that path.

This is the point where things can seem daunting. However every day that you begin to move in this direction contributes a little more momentum. It is important to recognize even the slightest progress you make to help incentivize yourself.