Whenever you get flashbacks do you ever want to escape via suicide?

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Happening to me right now

Back in my freshmen year of college (im a senior now) I had this "friend". We hit Ott quick although, it seemed she carried more control in the relatopihsip but nonetheless I looked up to her. We both had abusive pasts (abusiev parents) and that was part of how we bonded. Looking back I did have some genuine fun times with her, but there was one thing that changed everything together

I really really dont want anyone to comment negatively as this isn't somethign I talk about openly to barely anybody but here goes

So I ended up having a sleep over at her place. I agreed ot it and it seemed fine. At the same time I was interested in hooking up (I dont anymore) and im guessing she sensed this and asked if I wanted a 3 some with her bf, who I was already acquainted with. I wasn't sure what to say, I wanted to say no, but I also wanted to say yes. So, we ended up doing it. Things were fine, until I woke up t her bf touching me. I didnt know what sexual assault was so I brushed it off. In the end, looking back I have mixed feelings. I didnt tell her what her bf did to me, but the experience brought up a lot of things. She was overall sympathetic. I don't think she was a bad person, as we were both broken people. But id never do it again

I have since moved on from them both and haven't had any contact since but, meh, makes me want to kill myself right now tbh. Maybe use a knife on myself, who knows right?

 

[TAW122]

Simple answer, yes. I had times in my life where I had a flashback to the bad times in my past, I oftenly thought, "I wished I had just CTB'd" then and that would have been it, no more suffering, bullshit, or anything.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

For me its an addictive feeling. Wanting to escape. Sometimes I wish I could fake my death and watch and see who gives a fuck about me and who doesn't