When I approach suicide it makes me depressed

[noname223]

I am bipolar and planing my suicide makes me depressed and sad. However my life is as such is pretty sad and I am often depressed due to bipolar. My coming poverty makes me pretty depressed and is one reason why I need to ctb. I postpone suicide untill my next severe depression with psychosomatic pain comes. I think this can let me overcome SI. Is it normal that committing suicide as such makes you more depressed? I rather would like to be at peace with myself and then end it.
During my last extreme depressed episode I tried a little bit of partial. But this made me even more depressed. If I had SN to that time I probably would not be here right now. It is comforting to know that this method exists but suicide needs so much pain to do it. I really fear this time. Life can be so absolute torurous. I think healthy people cannot really comprehend that.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know what you mean, many methods require overcoming our survival instinct, require planning and can fail. Dying is hard to do and it can be exhausting when we want to leave this earth but methods are holding us back. It does need a certain level of desperation. A person does have to suffer themselves to understand how awful this life really is, I agree.

 

[WornOutLife]

As for me, I have crossed feelings for suicide.
On the one hand, it gives me peace because everything will be over once I go for it.
On the other, it gets me really depressed because I will ruin my dad, brother and nephew's lives.

CTB is not easy at all and is on my mind 24/7, no matter how much things improve. It really sucks!