Genuinely curious for people who are really planning to CTB—it doesn't have to be this year or next, but you have certainty that you're going to die by CTB one day. For me, it was tonight while I was scrolling through my phone, weighing all my options: the pain in my body due to various factors, my disability, my uncertain future, everything else that's wrong in my life, and every horrible decision I made. If I keep holding on, I will just have constant headaches or stomach acid due to stress. From that point on, I know I can't go on. No matter how horrible the SN may taste or how my throat and stomach will suffer from it and etc. I was afraid, really afraid of even thinking about it like I probably couldn't even touch the cup. But today it's like i had this surge of bravery that whatever happens, the suffering of SN will be less than what I have to go through if I keep going on.
My SN should be on delivery starting friday and I have all that's needed for protocol except propanolol. I will be describing the taste and feel of what ingesting SN is like (if I can) once i attempt.
Now back to the question:When was it where you realize that you'll have to go or what event triggered it or are you still uncertain about it. Feel free to let your thoughts out.
My SN should be on delivery starting friday and I have all that's needed for protocol except propanolol. I will be describing the taste and feel of what ingesting SN is like (if I can) once i attempt.
Now back to the question:When was it where you realize that you'll have to go or what event triggered it or are you still uncertain about it. Feel free to let your thoughts out.
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