I'm not trans, but I'll relate being trans-adjacent as an experience I didn't know fully how to handle.
During COVID lock-down I happened to know someone who decided to transition. In one sense, this made her transition easier because it was happening out of the view of others and treatments and choices she made were able to happen according to her timeline and she was able to get comfortable without having to advertise to everyone what she was doing.
Even though I knew her pre-transition, it was surprisingly easy to me to adopt the new pronouns around her. Her parents struggled a bit, as in they were better using her correct pronouns with her, but less so when talking to me and she was not around. That made it awkward because I wanted to honor her correctly.
Meanwhile, back at work post the end of the lock-down... some of us were back at work sooner... and some people talking about her were not as public with using her new name or pronouns. Again, this was awkward for me because I knew she had not in fact gone to HR at work and fully asked them to embrace her transition... so I didn't know how to handle those interactions with people she had not told of her transition but who knew of her pre-transition. Was I being respectful of her NOT telling them yet and using her old pronouns? OR was I being disrespectful by dead-naming when she wasn't around?
Eventually she fully transitioned across the board with new driver license and informing her job and everything so I didn't have to dodge those bullets. Mind you, I know she had it rougher than I did... so I'm not saying anything about that... I'm just communicating that depending on how someone handles their transition, it can be easier or more difficult for others around them to honor them if they truly mean to be doing so.
If that makes sense.
