whats your suggested.. course of action?

[iamalreadydead]

everytime i try to change i cant commit to anything and i usually dont even really feel motivated to do it in the first place because i dont really see a point and more importantly i do not have the connections in my brain to actually make me feel rewarded when i do actually do things that aren't self-soothing. And i mean with anything… eating is very uncomfortable and hard to do now and i cant get myself to do it right/normally. Nothing i want to do or used to so that i would enjoy is worth doing, feels like shit. Everything feels like shit. Sleeping feels like shit. Im in pain but it isnt a real kind of pain, not something i can prove is real but i feel it all over. Like an ache everywhere. What should i do now? I want to die but i feel like i should actually push myselfto try something first.

 

[SpacexJunkie]

everytime i try to change i cant commit to anything and i usually dont even really feel motivated to do it in the first place because i dont really see a point and more importantly i do not have the connections in my brain to actually make me feel rewarded when i do actually do things that aren't self-soothing. And i mean with anything… eating is very uncomfortable and hard to do now and i cant get myself to do it right/normally. Nothing i want to do or used to so that i would enjoy is worth doing, feels like shit. Everything feels like shit. Sleeping feels like shit. Im in pain but it isnt a real kind of pain, not something i can prove is real but i feel it all over. Like an ache everywhere. What should i do now? I want to die but i feel like i should actually push myselfto try something first.

If you are feeling like the reward process is where you are failing, I would try a few things, either make the rewards bigger, to try to get more dopamine out of your actions, or if you feel indifferent to rewards get rid of them altogether. Just do things to do it without a need for a reward. This will condition you to do things even if you get nothing in return which will make the times you do recieve rewards stand out, and if you need someone to talk to my pms are open, or you can just reply to me and I'll be here to talk :)

 

[Lavender Dreams]

I started using habit building/tracking apps, was relying on notebooks/plain notes on the phone beforehand. Even if the chores were procrastinated, they all got done eventually. Started small for the first 8 weeks until certain habits felt automatic and well established. Food wise, I either use a particular website or a cookbook to have an easier time selecting food or ask other people for recipes. I keep breakfast to simple cereal atm, and dinner is split between 2 days, even if it's a bit boring. If you can, maybe try and find an accountability partner that you can check in with daily?