OhhDrugzZ
How did I get here?
- Feb 14, 2024
- 19
Hey SaSu :]
It's been a while since my last post. I wanted to post this sooner, however I spend some time in the mental hospital trying to get better (again). I want to keep this as short as possible.
I got some new antidepressants that are helping me a bit to cope with my suicidal thoughts. Although they have one massive downside - I'm starting to remember. I'm starting to remember a lot of traumatic experience I had. Originally, I could only remember things that happened from 2020 onwards, but now my memory goes back to 2013. I'm not sure how to describe this, but It kinda feels like I'm reliving these moments. Its exhausting, especially because I've been left alone with it. My psychologist there told me this was good news, but he wanted me to focus on other things first. I thought about sharing some of these memories here, but I doubt anyone would wanna read this.
What now? I'm still very much suicidal. I feel exhausted and tired. I'm lost. I think there is nothing left for me in this life, just some more wasted years. But hey, I managed to motivate myself to play video games again – yay :]
I did some research on various methods and I thought about ordering SN or KN. I already found a source, but I'm too scared to place an order. I guess there's still a part of me that clings to this life.
If this post sounds like someone who hasn't slept and had to use a translator because he is to tired to form a sentence - that's because that might be the case. I'm actually scared of posting this
It's been a while since my last post. I wanted to post this sooner, however I spend some time in the mental hospital trying to get better (again). I want to keep this as short as possible.
I got some new antidepressants that are helping me a bit to cope with my suicidal thoughts. Although they have one massive downside - I'm starting to remember. I'm starting to remember a lot of traumatic experience I had. Originally, I could only remember things that happened from 2020 onwards, but now my memory goes back to 2013. I'm not sure how to describe this, but It kinda feels like I'm reliving these moments. Its exhausting, especially because I've been left alone with it. My psychologist there told me this was good news, but he wanted me to focus on other things first. I thought about sharing some of these memories here, but I doubt anyone would wanna read this.
What now? I'm still very much suicidal. I feel exhausted and tired. I'm lost. I think there is nothing left for me in this life, just some more wasted years. But hey, I managed to motivate myself to play video games again – yay :]
I did some research on various methods and I thought about ordering SN or KN. I already found a source, but I'm too scared to place an order. I guess there's still a part of me that clings to this life.
If this post sounds like someone who hasn't slept and had to use a translator because he is to tired to form a sentence - that's because that might be the case. I'm actually scared of posting this
