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What’s keeping you from CTB?
Thread startermythesiah
Start date
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Because I have a pet that depends on me, because I promised my friends to try, because people are moving heaven hell and hearth trying to help me, but mostly because I listen to that voice:
"what if I'm wrong?"
Because I have a pet that depends on me, because I promised my friends to try, because people are moving heaven hell and hearth trying to help me, but mostly because I listen to that voice:
"what if I'm wrong?"
I could probably CTB right now if it wasn't for the fact that not only am I scared I will fail miserably once more, but also because I can't even be bothered to get out of bed and do anything, even if that thing was ending it all. Depression is eating me alive.
A small sliver of hope that my condition and circumstances will get better. I'll know in a couple of months and make my decision then.
I was a hypochondriac but I fear death less and less everyday. I would've never thought that my fear of death would disappear this much and I'd rather wish I stay scared.
Guilt of what it would do to my Dad. Fear of the attempt itself and failing the attempt.
It's shitty when it's only negative emotions keeping me here and nothing positive about life itself. It just generates a whole lot of resentment in me, which I then feel bad about too.
Trying to gain hope working with mental health teams although they have a knack of making me feel worse alot of the time. Also im still researching to make sure next time actually works and the more i read the more confused im getting
I'm stuck with this idea that things will getter but they never do. Once I accept that the whole getting better thing is a load of bullshit, ctb will be easier to go through with.
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