Discussion What would you do if you knew you can't CTB

[rs929]

If you had a 100% certainty that is out of the equation?

I deal with pretty much every setback in life thinking about how I could end it all, but I wonder what I'd do if, let's say, I knew there is actually a supreme being and he will send me to hell if I CTB. Then I'd have no choice but to deal with my suffering and somehow come to terms with it.

Maybe I'd deal with things differently, I don't know. Would like to hear your thoughts

 

[derekWest]

I will become more fool than ever ! Horrible thinking

 

[Ultra'sPurgat0rio]

I've been coming to understand that I'm most likely never going to CTB (I'm too weak to do it). Personally, I just try to fantasize about doing it or try to distract myself from the idea that I won't. Basically, I just rot and wait until death comes.

 

[derekWest]

I've been coming to understand that I'm most likely never going to CTB (I'm too weak to do it). Personally, I just try to fantasize about doing it or try to distract myself from the idea that I won't. Basically, I just rot and wait until death comes.

Your are tetraplegic or smth like that ?

 

[Namelesa]

I don't know if I could do it any time soon as I don't have access to any effective methods but as I am forced to continue life I might as well keep continue to develop the games I want to make as to provide something to others and try anything to not risk my mental health and suffering to get worse.

 

[Ultra'sPurgat0rio]

Your are tetraplegic or smth like that ?

Ahh, not even that deep. I'm really sorry. I just don't expect myself to CTB when I haven't already. I'm weak willed. I basically wouldn't leave bed if there wasn't an immediate thing pushing me off of it, and when it gets to that point, it's hard to see myself ever doing something like CTB.

 

[smpkie]

I'd like to get along with the idea of living itself, if I knew how

 

[theshund]

I'm increasingly in this space. I've tried to CTB three times, failed every time. I am now of the opinion that unless I am willing to suffer excruciating pain or horror (throw myself under a train or off a skyscraper, for example) I won't be able to end my life. This is terrifying as it means I have no option but to keep going and that's impossible. Literally. My situation is too horrendous. I'm not 'arguing with my mom' or feeling under pressure from studies, I'm a 51 year old divorcee, homeless and estranged from both his immediate and extended family because of mental health issues, totally and utterly alone and unable to work or find housing. I'm also an abject coward and can't face a ctb that hurts or is intensely distressing, like hanging myself (though according to SS this is a non-method anyway). I wish I could get N. All my troubles would be over.

 

[twilightSparriw]

I think that's genuinely an interesting thought…

 

[shadows_and_silence]

I'd probably tell those I'm close to, and hopefully they'd understand and i can cry about it to them

 

[onthefence]

I'm stuck here because I have a person who depends on me for all of their financial needs. But that doesn't stop me from planning, prepping, and fantasizing about CTB. It's really not an option. If it happens it will likely be impulsive.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

Hell is not a factor for me. If I go to hell for the life I've lived and God really is good then I belong there so why would I fret over it?
I'm Hellspawn anyway and you know what they say. There's no place like home.

But as ctb isn't a real option for me right now anyway, my plan is really to die on top of mount olympus. Even if I never experience joy; improve the things that can be improved and die before the gods kick me off their mountain again. Maybe I'll get to take in the view before I go. Perhaps I'll die as soon as I have a life worth living. Perhaps I'll never make it there in the first place. But if I'm alive I may as well make the journey. A step at a time.