Discussion What keeps you from ending it?

[Unsure girl]

There was a point in time where I was genuinely happy. I had a few good, close friends and a girlfriend that I loved. Except I was immature and was never properly taught by my parents how to show love and affection. I had basically faked it until I made it. And of course it all came crumbling down after I injured my back and had to drop out of the sport I did. I was less self-aware back then and would bitch about my back pain a lot. My girlfriend began to have contempt for me as I was heading toward rock bottom. (I learned that contempt is one of four major indications for divorce or a breakup). Anyway after she dumped me everything fell apart and I have actually managed to cobble myself together the past few years. However I have hit a point where I am spiraling down again. I've ordered my charcoal etc but at the same time I have began to take my lexapro and Ritalin again. I want to accomplish a few things before I make a final decision. I still have a sliver of hope that it could get better. So for now I might wait a few years and do grad school to see how things go.

What would you like to achieve

 

[okaoki]

Im scared , methods and how to do it issues, my Kpop group , having miss them so hard.

 

[creatureoflight]

Leaving my family

 

[Sundayafternoon]

Scared as hell. No sure method. I have a tiny tiny tiny*20 bit of hope that I might find someone who'll love me until we die together.

 

[Rocky M]

Still trying to smooth out some wrinkles in my plan, but I least I've come up with a general idea of what I want to do. I have a method (hanging), but I'm trying to find a good spot on my neck that won't cause me any pain when I go. Once I've worked everything out, I'll set a date, either December 29 or March 25 depending on how long this takes

 

[Comatose11]

There are some responsibilities I'm trying to get through this month. It would have an impact on people if I did it this month. But early next month it will not, and that's when I'm going to do it.

 

[Lrdhlpme]

I had a near death experience a year and a half ago(car crash), the cops went to my house to tell my parents and my mom collapsed, when I saw them next time we just hugged and cried a little. I don't want to inflicte pain on anyone and although I think everyone is better off without me I know they won't see it that way and my suicide would destroy some people, they might blame themselves and I have a friend who attempted a few years back on Christmas day but he survived, I'm afraid he may re attempt if I die from it.

 

[Meena]

My son who is 10 y old.
But he is also the reason why i want to ctb because he lives with his father in another country and living without him is hell.

 

[okyeah]

What would you like to achieve

I want to get a pHD. I want to get in the best shape of my life. And I also want to learn to play cello well. Own a dog for awhile. Maybe also blow some money on drugs or hookers sometime lol. Of course I would like a girlfriend but it feels like I can't ever connect with anyone. I also feel like my personality is messed up. I've read something that said SSRIs can lower neuroticism which might help me a lot. So maybe I can do all of this if I keep taking a lot of drugs.

 

[Unsure girl]

I want to get a pHD. I want to get in the best shape of my life. And I also want to learn to play cello well. Own a dog for awhile. Maybe also blow some money on drugs or hookers sometime lol. Of course I would like a girlfriend but it feels like I can't ever connect with anyone. I also feel like my personality is messed up. I've read something that said SSRIs can lower neuroticism which might help me a lot. So maybe I can do all of this if I keep taking a lot of drugs.

Good plan

 

[skitliv]

Fear and guilt

 

[Vicepuma]

Don't have the right means yet.

If I had N right now, I'd drink it without a second thought.

 

[286165]

The only thing keeping me from doing it... is my cat. I don't know what would happen to her if I died. I don't really care how anyone else feels or what they do. I think if I could run away with my cat and just be a totally different person with a entirely new life, I would

 

[Livide Lamb]

The only reason that's holding me right now is the fact that I still live with my parents. I can't live alone yet since i'm not 18. And my anxiety make everything so complicated (stupid exemple : can't go outside or do simple shit). So I'm gonna let some time pass by and then I will do it, and finally I will stop procrastinating and pull the damn trigger.

 

[Purple]

I don't have the means for it yet.

hey, I want to do it.My life now is fine, but in two months i will have to go back to hell.I want to do it when i return.I need to know what can i take for taking no chances of survival.

 

[here4now]

My dogs.

 

[shadow11]

Fear of the unknown

 

[Sha70]

The biggest is my children. Im not done raising my youngest. This has been going on off and on since I was 12, Im 48 now. I have a little hope that it will get better, but at this point in my life, I highly doubt it. But my main focus is my children regardless. Also I believe in God and Jesus and I do not want to end up on the other side. But I honestly think I am a mistake and was not meant to be born.

 

[GiveMeNovacaine]

Fear of death/the unknown and potentially missing out on a positive future.

 

[reneothers]

Taste of N, parents.

 

[AngeloftheMorning]

The only thing for me is just having to be alone emotionally/physically during my departure. As stupid as it is, I kinda wish someone was there next to me telling me I'll be ok while I drift off to sleep.

 

[dog3000]

I havent plan everything yet. I dont want to die and then bring back to life and live like vegetable to rest of my life. So i must choose the right moment when im alone for longer period of time. I also have trouble making those last steps.

 

[Imaginos]

Primal fear in the form of the survival instinct, personal weakness/ineptitude, and a good dabbling of pure laziness to boot. Odds are, I'll probably never kll myself. I'm trapped on this crazy train for the duration of its remaining journey, with all the future & present pains & agonies that entails. That's the nightmare I have to look forward to and experience every day I get up.

 

[Purple]

I'm trying to holding on, but I don't see a way to make it.I just want it all ends for me.

 

[mwu14]

Fear of being rescued. I should've been dead years ago. My family happened to come home in enough time to rush me to the ER and save me. Attempting somewhere else wouldn't be any different because some stranger could think they're being heroic and the same thing happens. Would rather suffer until I have a better plan.

 

[Cemeterylife]

Still have some responsibility for family. Cant wait for the day to set me free, maybe a year or two.

Same. I can't abandon my 2 elderly cats, and they are the only positive thing in my life. They keep me going, and while I dread the grief of losing them, comfort myself with the thought we may just be reunited on the slim chance there is a "heaven"

I feel a little guilty about my mom, since I'm an only child and she might not be able to afford assisted living. Then again, I don't know how capable I would be at assisting.

I also am aware she'll grieve, naturally, but she has already gone through the worst-losing her partner of 17 years recently, suddenly and traumatically. She is stronger than me emotionally though, and coping well.

Though we get along quite well, and she expresses concern when I have a migraine because she can relate, when my life was at real risk at the hands of my ex fiance 25 years ago my parents voiced zero concern. Just disappointment in me for making a bad choice in partners. Even when I had bruises on my face or neck they did not express any caring or support, just grudgingly let me move back in with them.

Which I am grateful for, of course, but the complete absence of compassion sent a strong message that my life is of little worth. I've known this from a young age, and the whole experience only served to illustrate more clearly.

 

[lastsummer]

Same. I can't abandon my 2 elderly cats, and they are the only positive thing in my life. They keep me going, and while I dread the grief of losing them, comfort myself with the thought we may just be reunited on the slim chance there is a "heaven"

I feel a little guilty about my mom, since I'm an only child and she might not be able to afford assisted living. Then again, I don't know how capable I would be at assisting.

I also am aware she'll grieve, naturally, but she has already gone through the worst-losing her partner of 17 years recently, suddenly and traumatically. She is stronger than me emotionally though, and coping well.

Though we get along quite well, and she expresses concern when I have a migraine because she can relate, when my life was at real risk at the hands of my ex fiance 25 years ago my parents voiced zero concern. Just disappointment in me for making a bad choice in partners. Even when I had bruises on my face or neck they did not express any caring or support, just grudgingly let me move back in with them.

Which I am grateful for, of course, but the complete absence of compassion sent a strong message that my life is of little worth. I've known this from a young age, and the whole experience only served to illustrate more clearly.

Wow, thats will be a tough decision for me if I am the only child, and you also have 2 elderly cats! I am always mad at myself why there must have to be reasons that hold me to stay.

 

[anonlax92]

There's alot of things I can name.

My girlfriend--whom I love a lot.
My taste in music--I'm a record collector so I'm always on the lookout for good music that's worth keeping.
Running--there's just something freeing about it.
And friends--well..I don't have many friends in real life. I manage to have "a lot" of them online. Of course, that's how social media makes it to be.

I've just felt so negative lately like I'd rather die of something naturally like a heart attack. I'm still in school right now and I still live at home and worse: my mother doesn't like my girlfriend at all and she says all of these mean things about her that make me want to curse her out. Some mother I have.

I'm just tired of putting my girlfriend in the backburner. I know she loves me a lot but whenever something awful happens to me, I ignore her and get extremely upset.

I don't think I deserve anybody right now. I don't know. What's the point of being human if you have a parent telling you that you can't vent to anybody else except for you dad? It's messed up.

That's what stopping me from killing myself. I have just a finite amount of hope right now; I JUST WISH MY MOTHER WOULD LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

 

[Brokenanddeadinside]

Probably my father because he has been suicidal his whole life but has stayed alive for me since my mother died when I was 8 months old. Also I'm afraid of what happens after death because I believe if I'm able to exist at all then existence after I die is possible and don't want to be in a worst life if we do exist again even if we won't know it.

 

[Deleted member 847]

My lizard brain