Venting what is hate?

[link182]

Hate, what is hate? For me its when i look in the mirror and can't stop myself from spitting at the reflection looking back at me. Hate is when i would wrap a USB cord around my neck each night and strangle myself right after being discharged from a mental ward. I would wrap a usb cord around my neck each night lay down. Wrap the other end of the cord around my feet and pull. I would strangle myself not to die but to feel something real. Not something others want me to feel but something real. A very faint mark around my neck remains from the weeks of strangulation I inflicted on myself. When i would take 10 times the dosage of my pills just to stop feeling and just to become a paper weight. Hate is the feeling i have when i can't function like everyone else. When social security approves me for mental health but ignores the fact i can't maintain a normal lifestyle unrelated to mental health. Hate is the feeling where i want solitude i want to be by myself and can't even approach true solitude. Im imprisoned to the point i want to smash the mirror. People never understand what it means when i say i hate my life. Im not being cute or disingenuous. Hate is a deep feeling of wanting to die but failing to do so. My thoughts are clear my actions are clearer yet i feel others will think me mad. Im not mad im being direct as possible no lies or hidden agendas i hate everything about my life. I do not regret my past actions not at all sure it might make me selfish but thats ok. In my personal opinion i have nothing to live for but what others expect and that alone is insufficient and not a reason to live. Hate is the low energy i have, doctors always ask if i get enough sleep. All i do is sleep or feel sleepy my body lacks all energy.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Hate ? Hate... HATE... LET ME TELL YOU, HOW MUCH IVE BECOME TO HATE SINCE IVE BEGONE TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGS-

Oh wait, you weren't making an AM reference, my bad.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I see it as anger directed towards someone/ something. Can you feel hate without feeling angry?

I think it's often injustice or shame that creates hate. Being made to feel suffering. We may hate people when they cause us to feel discomfort- especially if they do it deliberately.

I tend to hate myself when I feel inadequate or ashamed. I hate myself when I fail because- other people noticing that failure causes me harm.

Have you thought about why you hate yourself so much? Is all of your anger turned inwards?