Discussion What does dissociation look like to you?

[diseasedstreetcat]

Good time of day, yesterday i had my first intense dissociation episode and since i have been more curious to learn more about it. I spoke about it with a friend and to them, dissociation means cognitively and emotionally detaching for extended periods of time and having little to no recollection of the events after they've partaken. In my experience, dissociation is a extremely hard to describe feeling that roots in detachment to reality; the best i can come to put it in words is feeling the same way you do when you are dreaming. You can feel everything just the same, you can think as well as your mind can under a lot of distress, but despite logically knowing that everything is real, you cannot shake off the feeling of potentially waking up at any moment. definitively some cognitive and emotional impact as well, much like to being sedated.

so how would you describe dissociation? do you use it as a tool? how do you induce it? is it unpleasant to you? what else do you feel about it? i want to hear firsthand from people who go through it.

 

[MissAbyss]

Complete detachment from my feelings and thoughts, paralyzed and no perception of time, it's either too fast, too slow or non-existent. Feeling of being sedated. Sometimes it can feel blissful though.

 

[corpse]

For me, the intensity of dissociation varies from day to day, but when reality becomes too stressful, I escape to my inner safe place and no longer notice what is happening around me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not really sure if it's dissociation but, I tend to 'disappear' for lengths of time while I do my (creative) work. It can be pretty monotonous and task based. Plus, I tend to put stuff on in the background. Then, there are these moments where part of my brain is instructing the rest of me what to do on this job, another part is taking in sounds, narratives, storylines and another part weirdly starts to wander. Totally random memories will just pop in. And, the hours will just disappear.

I think that's why I've always liked doing creative stuff. Because it can be meditative in a way. I don't really know if it's dissociating as such but, it can give me a restbite from feeling so intensely annoyed and suicidal. It can put me into a kind of daze though. It's also why I like to work alone. It's much easier to do when you don't have to be conscious of other people around.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

When life goes from first-person POV to third-person and I start feeling like a spectator in my own life.

 

[Pluto]

 

[azo]

the best i can come to put it in words is feeling the same way you do when you are dreaming. You can feel everything just the same, you can think as well as your mind can under a lot of distress, but despite logically knowing that everything is real, you cannot shake off the feeling of potentially waking up at any moment.

Chronically dissociated for the last 6 years. Feeling like you're in a dream is definitely the best way to put it. Like your consciousness is muted. If it's chronic, the world loses its affective content. Feels hollow and inconsequential. Things rarely touch you. You don't feel much. Death starts to feel like exiting the dream, so it doesn't feel like a big deal either, even though on a rational level you know it is.

Before I had the terminology I described it as feeling as though I was living underwater.

 

[Forveleth]

When I dissociate, my brain shuts off. I cannot think, I cannot concentrate, I have trouble putting sentences together and understanding what people are saying. The world gets kind of soft and fuzzy as my consciousness pulls into the back of my head. I have had the feeling that I was in a dream a couple of times, but more often than not, I just get hazy.

 

[Scythe]

I believe I feel derealization more often than not, because I stop believing the world is real but I still feel "me", I take a step back from my own body and watch the world from a step away. The world not felling real does help though, if it's not real it doesn't affect me so it makes me less stressed and stuff.
I can only induce it if I'm stressed, I do it by imagining the sky neon yellow and bleeding. green and purple mixed in with the clouds so it looks fake

 

[ashendreams]

like theres a layer of plexiglass between me and the world. everything feels unfamiliar and far away. cant concentrate on anything, can barely even read simple sentences. when it gets really bad i briefly forget where i am entirely

 

[FoxSauce]

Everything blurs ans feels like a dream.
Is like ik where I am and whats happening but at the same time Im not.

I just freeze, theres been time i just tune out sounds to avoid reality or a situation that i am. Anxiety can happen too at least for me.

Is still something thats hard for me to understand

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

I experience different sorts of dissociation/derealization, or at least something similar.
I have some really intense ones that last maybe 10-30 seconds of just complete utter disconnect from everything - reality, my senses, my thoughts - it all goes over the hill and far away until my brain checks back in and I'm left there bewildered and disoriented.
Other times, I notice that I'm already dissociated/whatever and it feels as if I exist as a spectator within my own body. I barely feel any strong emotions other than sadness/emptiness and the like. This lasts for weeks - even months - until I give up and snap myself out of it. (The only way I've found that snaps me back into reality is sh, but obviously that's not a healthy solution, I'd appreciate if anyone could share ways they "snap out of it"?)
The most common way I experience something like that is through intense zoning-out. I'm either blank-minded or conscious but unable to "zone-in". I sort of stare into space and am pretty unreachable, I always end up getting shaken/yelled at to be roused but yeah, these happen maybe 15 times a day and last only a minute or two, so it might not be dissociation exactly, could just be a sub-conscious coping mechanism.
Sorry for the essay y'all :|

 

[Bizgus555]

Thanks all for contributing btw this is fascinating. I wasn't sure either what dissociation felt like until recently, and these posts do help me understand it a bit better now as well

Whether it's triggered specifically on occasion, or a seemingly out of control recurring thing, sure sounds like a meeeean defense mechanism. It absolutely does mean well tho, but suffering faulty laggy WiFi router vibes at any moment sure may tank self-esteem and feed the anxiety it's trying to cope with


"Going to a happy place" <------> "Thousand yard stare"

What a fucking range

 

[fedup1982]

I wish I knew if I dissociate or not. I often have a 1000 yard stare but part of it is because I avoid eye contact and it's more restful to just have my eyes zone out.

On the other hand I do feel like free will is an illusion and some other part of me is always making decisions, like I'm just a spectator of my life.

Again, on the other hand, unlike people have said on this thread, I do somewhat seem able to read. But when people talk to me I often zone out and frequently get brought back and realise I wasn't listening to what they said.

It could be ADHD, some of it could be autism, some of it could be undiagnosed schizoaffective disorder. Idk

 

[thecreepycanadian]

I describe it in different ways. Sometimes I say it feels like I'm looking through binoculars that make everything appear far away. Sometimes i say I sink into the back of my head and I'm looking through eyes that aren't mine.

Life feels like a daydream, I feel like I have no weight or presence. I'm detached from all positive feelings/emotions. The negative emotions reign when I'm dissociated. It's hard to speak or concentrate, because I can only pay attention to my negative inner voice. Or my mind is blank, thinking of something I can't even remember. I lose track of time. Nothing feels real or important.

 

[perishsong]

In my case it depends on the day.
- like someone unplugging one cable in a server room - a part of me stops responding abruptly but I can somewhat carry on.
- the world around me going faster while I seem to struggle to keep up. You know those dreams where you try to run away from danger but you feel like you're running through a pool of honey. It's the same sensation but lucid.
- sounds get distorted - muffled or devoid of lower frequencies or my own voice being significantly louder.
- like I've been teleported to a movie and I don't know any lines, so I'm just improvising.
- like there is something wrong with my body but I can't tell what - too many limbs? Too heavy? Sometimes it feels weightless too.