Venting what do i even do

[meatfleshprison]

I haven't posted on this site in years. I thought this wasn't in my cards anymore but I was lead astray again. My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me in Februrary after an incredibly toxic, abusive relationship. He would constantly emtionally and verbally abuse me and even physically abused me a few times. We've had on and off contact since then, and the last time we spoke he told me about a girl. It sent me spiraling. While together, he insisted I would move on instantly if we broke up and that I'm easy. I had a two week long psychotic episode, I was convinced god was speaking to and through me and that my life was in for big changes. Since then, nothing has happened, obviously. I was starting or at least trying to make progress in continuing my life but just on Thursday he messaged me again.

He told me the girl he was talking to raped him, that he has no friends and is losing hope. "i care for you deeply especially after realizing what my life is without you in it." He's told me all about his affairs with other girls and how he's had three other girls interested in him, even a guy. He keeps telling me he wants this one girl to text him, that he's been angry about it for days. He called me cute twice and said he was sad we can't be together. Everytime he mentions someone else it's like he's rubbing salt in an open wound. He's out at a party right now getting drunk and I've been bawling my eyes out and ripping out my hair. I don't know what he's getting out of doing this to me. He usually blocks me after a day but he keeps texting and interacting with me. I'm so confused. I don't want to stop talking to him, he has no one else to talk to about these things and I have no one to talk to about my problems (thought he usually airs them, doesn't respond or just has little to say). Do I just bare the fact that he's going to treat me this way forever, that notihng I do will make a difference? I would rather be in this situation than continue to be alone.

I seriously cannot stand being the person I am and I wish so badly I was different. If anyone has advice, please let me know.

 

[fadedghost]

I haven't posted on this site in years. I thought this wasn't in my cards anymore but I was lead astray again. My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me in Februrary after an incredibly toxic, abusive relationship. He would constantly emtionally and verbally abuse me and even physically abused me a few times. We've had on and off contact since then, and the last time we spoke he told me about a girl. It sent me spiraling. While together, he insisted I would move on instantly if we broke up and that I'm easy. I had a two week long psychotic episode, I was convinced god was speaking to and through me and that my life was in for big changes. Since then, nothing has happened, obviously. I was starting or at least trying to make progress in continuing my life but just on Thursday he messaged me again.

He told me the girl he was talking to raped him, that he has no friends and is losing hope. "i care for you deeply especially after realizing what my life is without you in it." He's told me all about his affairs with other girls and how he's had three other girls interested in him, even a guy. He keeps telling me he wants this one girl to text him, that he's been angry about it for days. He called me cute twice and said he was sad we can't be together. Everytime he mentions someone else it's like he's rubbing salt in an open wound. He's out at a party right now getting drunk and I've been bawling my eyes out and ripping out my hair. I don't know what he's getting out of doing this to me. He usually blocks me after a day but he keeps texting and interacting with me. I'm so confused. I don't want to stop talking to him, he has no one else to talk to about these things and I have no one to talk to about my problems (thought he usually airs them, doesn't respond or just has little to say). Do I just bare the fact that he's going to treat me this way forever, that notihng I do will make a difference? I would rather be in this situation than continue to be alone.

I seriously cannot stand being the person I am and I wish so badly I was different. If anyone has advice, please let me know.

You need to stop talking to him completely unless you want to be back together with him.

It's usually impossible to be friends with someone who you are strongly sexually attracted to and have had sex with before.

When you are with someone, the oxytocin and dopamine from the conection is like a drug. When you stop talking and seeing them, you feel like shit because you lose the chemicals. It's like detoxing from alcohol or heroin. You just have to completely stop. If you spend 2 weeks in hell getting over him, and then chat for a few minutes, it's like having a tiny bit of heroin or alcohol when you are trying to detox. YOU JUST NEED TO QUIT.

So you just block; block numbers, profiles, any contact on Apps, block his friends if they aren't yours and you're not trying to communicate with them. Block block block. You are also need a nice friend who can tell you this shit; your friends should be telling you this and if they aren't, go to meetup.com. You need more friends to protect you and can meet them on meetup.com.

Also sometimes break-ups heal faster by fucking someone new. Just saying, once in a while it works. Although there are risks in that.

The good news is how you feel about yourself is in part because of the detox. In 2 months, it won't feel like this, but only if you block.

 

[iCryInMySecretSpot]

hes an abusive pig and he knows telling you about these girls is hurting you. i know its difficult, but dont give him the satisfaction of being ragebaited. thats what he wants. go no contact. give him 0 pathway at all of hearing from him.

 

[CatLvr]

You need to cut that asshole off at the knees and LEAVE HIM THAT WAY. It doesn't matter if he has anyone else or not -- he is CLEARLY not only using you, he is ABUSING you and he is enjoying the fuck outta it.

Please, please, PLEASE get away from this guy. He is, most likely, a big part of the reason why you feel so poorly. I will light a candle for you. If you need someone to talk to there is a chat -- though I can't really tell you much about it; only been in them a time or two since I joined -- or you can start a thread here, like this one, and chances are you will find someone who will chat with you.

I am SO sorry if I sounded harsh at the beginning of my response -- It's just I KNOW what it's like to be done like this guy is doing you and NOBODY deserves to be done that way. He is getting off on being cruel to you and that breaks my heart -- you absolutely do not deserve to be done that way. You are so much better than he deserves.

 

[fadedghost]

Post-breakup your brain will play tricks on you, like an addict who has just given up a drug. Your brain will try to do anything it can to get you to not block and have contact again. JUST BLOCK.

 

[Sardenain]

It is fine to feel mess after a breakup. But Like everyone has said in this thread: BLOCK, DO NOT CONTACT HIM, DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM. Currently you are nothing more to him than whipping girl to him. He controls your communications on/off blocking. He contacts you only when he is feeling down just to push you even lower than he is. So he can look down on you and feel superior so he can say "I can fix you" and that you can "be grateful that I talk to you". Your relationship is one way street where everything is being drained from you.

Being alone is scary and can be sad and miserable but so was your relationship. But you mentioned physical abuse. If he strangled you, STAY AWAY. Strangulation is one of the strongest predicator for lethal violonce.

I hope all the best for you

 

[AnonymousCat1]

As a fellow abuse survivor… please, block him everywhere and cut him off completely. You deserve better than to have that asshole in your life in any way, shape, or form.