Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Miffed due to people insisting that others are bad because of a label. We are all humans at the end.

 

[Britney Spears]

I want to go to CTB sooner rather than later. I've had enough, I can't take it anymore. But planning is crucial. I'll have to stick to that

 

[_Gollum_]

Mostly just hatred for my body. Not just for how it looks, but for how it functions. There is always a separation between me and it, an antagonism. I feel that its wants are not my own. I feel that it always wins.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Mostly just hatred for my body. Not just for how it looks, but for how it functions. There is always a separation between me and it, an antagonism. I feel that its wants are not my own. I feel that it always wins.

Oh, I can relate to that SO MUCH. Mine is like a beast inside that I'm always holding back, pulling its chains. It's tiring.

 

[EternalShore]

Very dull. Gonna do my skincare routine and hopefully feel better

does it actually make you feel better? :D

 

[Britney Spears]

Die as soon as possible

 

[VirtualSnow]

The cycle continues, and I'm really fucking tired of it.

 

[Seaghost]

Cried much in the last days. Maybe I have found a solution for myself.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I want too much, I give too little, I don't deserve it cause all I do is ask for more. more. more. moremoremoreMOREMOREMOREMOREMORE

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

haha. my parents caught me eating yew leaves, they took me to the hospital and told me, well well, because you ate these things all your hair is going to fall out, and then they took a picture of me to "show me in the future what kind of mess I got myself into" BAH YUK.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel like I can't even do the most basic tasks right. Why am I such a failure? I don't get why I am constantly switching between feeling okay-ish and feeling horrible.


God, why am I such a piece of shit. I don't get why I am even bothering to register with disability when I'm not disabled. Rationally I know that my mental health has been impacting my school work but I keep on feeling like I am just making up excuses and like I am just lying to myself because I am a lazy incompetent piece of shit and who can't do anything right. I keep on feeling like I am just making up excuses. I fucking it. I want to so badly and I can't and I feel so trapped. I hate having to continually go back forth between feeling fine and wanting to blow my brains out. I don't even get it. It's not my life had been bad or anything so why do I always feel this way? I don't get why I keep on feeling like I am just using mental health as an excuse for shit even thoughI know that isn't actually the case and even though multiple people have recognized that it is clear that something is probably going on with me. While reading shit for philosophy I keep on having issues with paying attention because I would keep on thinking about how horrible and worthless and I was and about how I deserved to die and shit. I don't get why whenever I finally get to a point where I feel fine and am able to function I always end up eventually going back to this place again. I hate it so much and I'm getting tired of constantly having to force my family and others into having to help me work through the messes I always end up creating for myself whenever this happens. I just want this all to end

 

[sukiduki]

feels kinda weird existing knowing that my life has an end date and i know what that end date is. everything is kinda in limbo kinda not. i'm making some plans but deterring plans that are past my ctb date. nothing really has meaning. i wonder if my death will matter. i know the answer in the grand scheme of things is no. oh well.

 

[CutToRelease]

Hollow. Tired. Head swimming. Unfocused. Tired. Despair. Hopelessness. Pain. Ever increasing pressure. Futile.

Bye for now.

 

[Sakura.]

Unbearable...

Unbearable...

Everything is unbearable...

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Unbearable...

Unbearable...

Everything is unbearable...

Did someone call me? Mama bear is here for you, honey! *hugs* Thanks for calling. *smiles*

 

[Cavalcade]

I've been doing a lot better as of late. Made a new friend, and have been enjoying socializing in my new hobby space- my brother has been doing a lot better, and that's helped substantially. Sometimes I still ambiently think about this forum, and how grateful I am that it exists as a place where people in unimaginable agony don't have to self censure their pain, and can find solace and comfort in people who understand what it's like.

I've learned a lot in the last while. How flaky some of those in my life are. How absolutely destructive people can be- and how I'm so much better for having excised them from my life. How pleasant it is, too, to make a new friend and enjoy a lifelong hobby. All valuable things to learn. I've been… disappointed, mostly. But I suppose it's all part of the usual turmoil of being in your twenties- friends revolving, life putting everyone on very different trajectories. Still struggling with feeling like an imposter, but I feel better about starting my Masters in the fall.

 

[granny1!]

Invisible. My daughter will not talk to me most days and I can't say anything right to her. I am also upset because I made a mistake moving in with her. Oh well. I have my suicide kit if I ever need to go.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

God, some of the mods on here are fucking idiots. I got a warning for harassment even though the said post was literally about myself. Like, how fucking dumb can you be? At the bare minimum, you could have at least asked before taking action. But thank you to the mod who decided that this was the right call of action. I was already not doing too great mentally and now I get to wake up feeling furious and like I want to throw my phone at the wall thanks to you.

 

[Sakura.]

Recently my suffering is absolutely unbearable...

As it has been for already 13 years...


If my family hadn't forced me to live, I would have left...

If they hadn't forced me to continue to suffer so much, I would have left so long ago...


Of all these years that I can't commit suicide...

...that I'm forced to live and still suffer, despite having no possibility or perspective to recover...

...nothing, absolutely nothing good has come...

 

[fleetingnight]

Too tired to do anything at all. Too depressed to even talk to my friends or watch TV. I can't stand talking to hotlines or professionals. No one wants to acknowledge the real problems. It's not that I'm sad, it's that life is horrible. "It gets better" doesn't help when you're living in a world where nazism is getting popular again and our world leaders are immature children who bitch and moan on Twitter more often than they make public statements. What's the point in trying to feel better, when I live in a world like this? But saying that gets me looked at like I'm crazy, so I don't feel like I can try to get help anywhere.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Feel like I should me more present to the people that need me. I wish I had energy to be with everyone. I have such a hero syndrome...blame Undertale.

 

[Grog]

I wish I had money to buy all the Nendoroids I wanttttt~

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Beyond mad because I had to throw out my favorite (expensive) food because my body decided last minute it didn't like it

Creative because I'm designing a costume for Pride

Generous

 

[The Unanswered Q]

Actually managed to feel somewhat alright for a few days. Unfortunately doesn't last, so back to constantly thinking about suicide.

 

[Zlo]

Mostly empty. Kind of sad, kind of peaceful. Tired too.

Exactly this! Empty, lost but since finding this site yesterday... Calm and devoted to understanding there may be something better out there. A way out of this toxicity.

 

[Grog]

I feel hungry. But, no food in this house is satisfying. Ugh...

 

[Seaghost]

I'm a piece of shit. A coward. Everything should been over long time ago. But as a coward I tried to accept this prison.
Damn....what an incredible idiot I am. Coward Coward Coward. Not good for anything. Fucking retarded beeing!

 

[fleetingnight]

I'm sick of it all. I know that the only reason I keep doing this is because dying is scary and hard. It doesn't matter what I do to better myself, I'm still depressed. I talk to dozens of doctors and I'm still depressed. I get high and drunk and sometimes I feel better for a few hours, and then I'm depressed again. It doesn't matter how hard I try. I don't even enjoy hobbies or friendships. I'm not capable of enjoying anything anymore. I don't have the strength to die now. I hope I get hit by the train in some freak accident the next time I take it. But I know it won't happen.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Do you ever get such a strong urge to ctb that you end up "attempting" quickly on impulse in order to try and get that feeling out of your system? Not a real attempt or anything, just something to try and get those feelings out of your system. I did so just now using a belt to hang myself. It was quick since I didn't know when my mom was going to be back but it helped to get those feelings out of my system. My eyes are slightly bloodshot now, but that's fine. I wish I could attempt for real but I feel like right now is not a good time with all the shit going on right now. I hate this so much. I wished I was dead. I hate myself so much and I want to self-destruct so badly but I can't and it makes me feel like I'm on the verge of exploding sometimes.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

"What's your name?" "Where do you go to school?" "Are you a virgin?" I just MET YOU! On the street, I thought you were one of the other people trying to sell me insurance! (I hate these creepy dudes, I hate these creepy dudes, I hate these creepy dudes, I wanna stab one so bad)