Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I have to stop helping people—I have to! There are so many homeless people where I live and I want to aid in making their circumstances just a little more bearable... But that ends up in me being taken advantage of. It feels like I can't even be entitled to kindness without taking on the brute of something else. (A.K.A. I paid $19.49 to get someone some cigarettes.)

 

[Seaghost]

Fatique endless fatique and emptiness. Im not worth anything.
And at the moment - everytime I think the darkest phase has ended. It comes again. Just to fool me and laugh in my face:"Haha, you think we're done? No you dumbass now I take you with me for the next round - wilder, faster, harder".

 

[NSA]

Meh.

 

[anonymous1234554321]

Exhausted of waiting which feels like endless.

 

[M&M]

Wishing I didn't understand why I started caring about other people's feelings and knowing its the only reason I can't ctb

 

[AlTheObviousAlien]

Im so disappointed in myself. I attempted CO and did almost put others in danger so I understand them wanting to kick me out. But I can't go back to my mom's asking for help mentally is too much. Asking for a screenshot to prove she has been in therapy is me being a dictator. I would rather live on the streets then deal with the mental abuse. When my ex told her that I attempted to kill myself twice using the night night method, she smacked her teeth and sighed. YOU'RE DAUGHTER JUST TRIED TO KILL HERSELF!!! DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE BRUISES ON MY NECK! THE SELF HARM SCARS TO SHOW SHE'D RATHER DIE AND BE HOMELESS THAN LIVE WITH YOU!!??? She's in the medical field and cares more about her patients than her kids. She'd look at the obituary everyday when covid happened but couldn't find an hour for family therapy or even a therapist. I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF OR IM TOO MUCH!!!
I just wanna die again and I only been out of the second time since yesterday. I went to the hospital on the 7th this month and got out just to go back the same day. I feel like no one wants to help me. I only have myself and it all just is too much still. I know I shouldn't have left the hospital but they didn't care. They tossed me out after me screaming I was going to kill myself for an hour. They didn't care about me wanting to die, my mother doesn't care, why should I?

 

[Subhumano]

fine, listening to music on a saturady night

 

[CTB Dream]

rly awfl lif pain sffr nostp

 

[CTB Dream]

this sad ni psbl doany

 

[fleetingnight]

Barely back and already here to vent again. It's all I'm good at. I wish I could do anything at all. If I was unhealthy, but at least smart. Or stupid, but at least good at something, just one thing at all. I'm really useless. I don't know why a thing like me was ever brought into existence. All I can do with my life is burden others and hurt. I'm not even a good friend, good to talk to, or reliable at all to make up for it. I can act "nice" for a few minutes, but I'll ghost eventually. I only drain energy from everything I touch. Yet, I'm still so damn tired all the time.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So tired....

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

sasu is like home, I'm glad to be at home, and I still hope I can enjoy a last moment filled with lightness and relief before fading away one day

 

[Griever]

I'm drowning in a lake full of salty tears

 

[FoxSauce]

Pissed off on edge and feeling like I wanna break some skulls

 

[Sakura.]

It's been already 7 months since what happened and I still can't cope with it...

The pain and suffering are unbearable...

 

[jaefr12]

Tired. Hopeless. Lost. But the word that describes me more is failure. I failed my business partner, i failed my parentes and i feel like i failed every teacher that though i'd be someone. But, mostly, i failed my own expectations in me. I can't see myself being happy. I actually don't think i even know how to be happy, i just know that life should be better than feeling miserable all the time. Before, at least i had the expectation of being successful, now i'll have to work minimum wage because there's no other choice.

 

[Griever]

I want to scream and break something to let my anger out

 

[Promised Heaven]

Yearning to be regonized. Yearning to be loved (not romantically). Slept uncomfortably last night. Tossed and turned. I'm barely hungry and researched how to get more stimulants because I'm preparing to get addicted to the current ones I haven't tried. I'm so...just hurting. Hurting a lot. I've asked for comfort and support to nothing, so people shouldn't be upset if I cross the point of no return. Someone hear me.

 

[CTB Dream]

this awfl wrld me no end pain sffr this all trap evrd hpn dtriort no psbl doany

 

[Griever]

I don't know what I'm feeling right now, except that I'm glad I finally got Monster Energy's Ultra Strawberry Dreams flavor after seeing it on TikTok

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel a bit weird right now. My parents found out about the shrooms. My mom wasn't angry with me but she was worried since she doesn't have much knowledge of them and thought that I was taking them to cope and was paranoid about me becoming an addict. I'll still be allowed to take the ones that I have but only once a month (which isn't a big deal since I only ever trip once to twice a month anyway). My dad didn't care at all and thought that she was being overdramatic.

There is some other stuff going on with him right now that I don't want to divulge but I feel really concerned for him right now. I feel like he is going on a downward spiral and I don't think that his new friends are a good influence on him.

 

[Namelesa Graves]

I want to go to sleep as I don't feel like doing anything else today but i can't and it's now 5am :< I feel so miserable that i can't go to sleep or do anything or get company of any friend or my boyfriend cus they all asleep at the moment. I feel so helpless on my own, i am never going to be able to cope on my own.

 

[Seaghost]

I want this fucking sufgering to end. I don't know how to live with that any further.
I don't want no doctor or therapist anymore. I just want it to stop NOW.
I am just a shadow of myself.
So helpless...

 

[milkteacrown]

Tired. Cynical. Apathetic.

 

[starvingsparrow]

Exhausted. Depleted. Dejected. Hopeless. Terrified.

 

[deadeyesnowman]

Secretly wishing to get murdered brutally.

 

[The Unanswered Q]

Dead inside, too tired to do anything, but not tired enough to get to sleep.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

My cousin just told me, almost tearing up, that I should take better care of my self and my family was worried about me. That she knew I could do it because I'd done it before.

That's the keyword. Before. Before life broke me AGAIN. Always getting up, always back down, and you have to deal with it. And that's life. Disappointment after disappointment and more and more trauma and everyone just tells you to deal with it because you got family and friends, as if that wasn't the bare minimum we all deserve, as if I hadn't made an effort to have more than that because I was told all my life that I was doing good and I deserved more.

I just don't want to go anymore. I don't want to be force-fed, I don't want to live just out of debts of gratitude and guilt. I wanted to be happy, I tried, and all I asked was for one person not to stab me in the heart and one dream to finally work after almost ten years of effort. I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO MOVE ON AND THE MORE THEY FORCE ME TO, THE LESS ME I BECOME. Please, God, bring my Michi back or just fucking end me, give me the courage to end it all, I don't care anymore.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Why is everything and everyone so shit at the moment? It's absurd and keeps stoking my naive homicidal power fantasies, where I picture killing the "bad people" to stop them from hurting other people with their bullshit.

Like... has there ever been a better moment to CTB? Right now feels like a good time.

 

[Griever]

I bought white roses for my dead best friend and I will put them on my desk, I even bought a new vase for the white roses