Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[CTB Dream]

this rly awfl dtriort rly trap no know wat do this lif v awfl no hav slf no any

 

[-Link-]

I feel tired on a deep, spiritual level. Like the tiredness is ingrained in me and I can never separate it from me or make it vanish. It just keeps getting bigger. It's existential exhaustion.

I just came to this thread to gripe about this too.

I feel like I've lost a step these past few weeks. It's been going on since around New Year's. I'm noticing subtle things where I'm just slower, both physically and mentally, but especially mentally. Like it takes more time and mental effort to do a task than it would have even a month ago -- and that's if I can do the task at all.

I hope this is just transient.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

no one wants to accept that i'm done trying. i'm tired of trying. i don't want to do it anymore so im not going to. i fucked up everything good about my life to get here so damn it i'm going to fucking die. i'm not gonna get better. i do not want to get better. i just want to be emptiness in a nothingness void. fuck.

Same... It's too late and I'm too tired.

 

[CatLvr]

Exhausted. I guess I fake it too good. I was told today that I am one of the happiest people this person knows. Good God, if he only knew the truth.

 

[fleetingnight]

I haven't been very mentally present. Probably a defense mechanism. I'm going to try to space out so much that I don't feel like I exist anymore, because that's as close as I can get to killing myself.

 

[Electra]

I feel pressed. Like the whole world is pushing me into a tiny room where I can barely breathe. I'm trying to resist, but I want to give in. Giving in to destruction must be so peaceful. So peaceful. Why keep fighting? Idk. SI? Eh, just shhhh...

 

[greebo6]

Very very anxious and very tense. Its a horrible feeling .

 

[Hojag]

Numb, high, weirf and wwoooooow. It's shitty that I can't feel myself, but the numbness gives me peace️

 

[Electra]

I don't know, I just don't want anything. Just let me be. Don't move me, don't ask me anything, don't require anything from me. Just let me be. Rolling in bed.

 

[Seaghost]

Wanted to scream (living with others can be a pain in the ass) but instead of doing it I went out, sitting on a chair at the teracce. It's 4degrees here. The cold is always good when my mind goes wild.
People....OMG...want to be rich to be able to live in a bunker in the wild....damn assholes.. .

 

[whitetaildeer]

i'm beginning to realize i want someone to care about me and i don't know how that makes me feel

 

[Electra]

Yearning for normal sleep.

 

[JohnIgnis]

Tired and angry. I just finished an online class tonight and my internet was really testing my patience. I feel like I want to sleep now, but at the same time I just want to stay up and do something else.

 

[chandxoxo]

I ate chicken wrap and smoked cigarettes which felt like heaven. So I feel good

i love cigarettes but I'm too shy to buy them. i can only smoke when someone offers me one

 

[Kanashii]

Emotionless, yet somewhat at peace.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Life isn't a Marvel movie.... No one is coming to save us.

 

[Electra]

Idk what I feel. Maybe some excitement? And then some regret, like I did something not according to my own "rules" that I set to myself for no reason. What is that feeling? Like I should've done something differently, but it actually doesn't matter. I need an emotion wheel or some shit.

 

[CTB Dream]

lif rly awfl all hpn dtriort me injury damage no brain no slf no any

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Frustrated, anxious, and numb... I wanna be dead, but I am scared if I won't be dead this year and I will stay stuck in this body and seeing anything in this world and I won't be happy and visiting the stars... Also, numb emotionally to my emotions... This usually happens and why I sleep through the pain, but I get so sad because its a never ending cycle and just want to remove the pain and just... self delete myself already

 

[JohnIgnis]

I'm feeling happy tonight. One of my friend talked me into hanging out outside of school during our vacant period a while ago. We went out to eat and played in one of the arcade games nearby. This was the first time I actually hanged out with a friend outside school in all my life.

 

[Electra]

Anxious, but I'm thinking I can reduce the anxiety today. So I'm gonna try doing that.

 

[deletednumber]

Crazy...i touched the lowest of he low rock bottom

 

[Cavalcade]

Surprisingly good? I finally cut out really awful people from my life, and after awhile of just keeping to myself- I got the energy to start reaching out to other friends, diving into a new creative community where I've had pleasant chats with lovely people- and right now have a lovely little PBP TTRPG group and biweekly writing group check ins to look forward to, starting in early February. I've been having a great time, and it's been so nice connecting with people, and deepening existent friendships. It's been such a breath of fresh air, and a stark realization that uh, most of my previous issues had nothing to really do with me or my personality- it was just abjectly a really abusive environment. My brother's been doing better, too, so everything's been on the up and up. I'm grateful for this community for being here when I direly needed a place to vent and talk about what was going on, but a part of me is sort of happy I haven't needed to rely on it as extensively as of late. I hope everyone here can feel as at ease, too.

 

[TheHolySword]

i need to die. let me die. end this suffering. let me be free. stop making me stay. it's agony. i can't fucking do this. i'm waiting until may so my life insurance can pay out but there's not even a guarantee that it will because insurance companies are evil scummy greedy bastards who can all rot in hell. i'm only here so my brother can have a better shot at a better life and he might not even get the fucking money. it might all just be worthless. why am i even here. i want to die so fucking badly.

 

[ma0]

My room is a fucking mess, and I don't intend on doing anything about it anytime soon.

Apart from that, the usual. Eyes wide to prevent falling asleep, Youtube recommended running dry this time at night, trying to postpone sh by maybe another hour, nobody's online and I could probably CTB about now, but I won't. I've just not been pushed that far yet. Apathetic.

 

[skylight7]

Deep loss, severe depression, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, isolation, betrayal, resentment, and regret.

 

[greebo6]

Quite scared and very anxious

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Excited to die... Been thinking of death... didn't sleep for 24hrs now... Just wanna be dead soon Excited!!

 

[whitetaildeer]

not too long ago, before i was actively suicidal, my father asked me if i was happier. he has been asking me this ever since i moved in with him, every few months, and i don't know why. i always say yes. it's... not exactly a lie. it was either move him with him, or get trafficked or sent to an assisted living village i had no business being in by my family, which has a history of abusive workers and catty executives. neither option is pleasant, but the latter is, obviously, worse. i've just never been good at being voicing my thoughts and feelings, nevermind the fact that i don't want to. even on sasu, it's more difficult than it has any right to be.

but, carrying on, the last time my father asked if i was happier-- before i started being active here, and well before i made up my mind on ctb-- i just gave a rather passive "soon" as a reply. he gave me some reproachful look, but said nothing, and left my room. he's responsible for why i'm alive; i wonder if he'll ever know that he'll be apart of the reason why i'll soon be dead, too.

 

[Prism]

I want to rip my face off