Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[soulkitty]

Craving the sweet release of death

 

[littlelungs]

I'm not afraid of dying, but of being forgotten about when I die. I want people to live their lives, and I know that it's most likely inevitable that people will forget about me eventually... but I'm just afraid of people forgetting about me "too soon", as if I just never existed at all. Just completely wiped off the face of the planet forever, even as a memory. That's hard for me to wrap my head around.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Unwell, Depression, Exhaustion ... I just wanna sleep forever. Life has been a shitshow pretty much from the time I was born. Very little happiness compared to the misery !!! I hate when people say it will get better.
#1. You don't know that. You can't see the future. It's been so bad for so long.
#2. Why should I stick around for decades more misery.
#3 I don't matter. I can easily be replaced. This planet is waaaay overcrowded.

None of this makes any sense to stay. I have my method and I still can't do it. Right now I'm no longer afraid to end it. If I didn't have family, I think I would be long gone.
I hate it here. I hate it here. I hate it here. I hate it here.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm feeling pretty happy right now and a bit tired. My mom and I went to this other island with these beautiful beaches. I got to swim around for a bit, collect some shell, and ate. It was a pretty nice day. It's also my bf's birthday so I sent him some videos. He plans on getting fucked today "Hugh and drunk it seems", which concerns me a bit. I trust that he knows himself well enough to know what he can handle, but I can't help but worry a bit. I want to visit him one day that that's likely not happening anytime soon due to my current situation. My family doesn't know about him and I plan on keeping it that way, since he's 30 years older than me and they would freak out if they found out. Over all, today was good.

 

[terra.nuvo]

I'm nervous for a new job I'm starting soon. It's a really easy job but I'm nervous that i'll get bored and eventually want to leave. I'm really worried cause if I leave I won't be able to make the money I need to do the things I'm planning to do. Which takes me to how I'm also feeling hopeful still. I'm hopeful that with this job I'll be able to pay for school and finally get my degree. It's gonna take me another three years but i'm still excited for it. I'm also feeling like an asshole a bit which isn't bringing me down as much as I thought it would. My therapist and I were talking about all the mistakes I've made and she made me realize that my old friends probably didn't know I was depressed they just thought I was an asshole, which makes me more content about my past mistakes but also mad at my old friends for not checking in with me. But I can't really fault them, I was pretty distant that whole time.

 

[soulkitty]

I don't know if I can continue on living without them. It's so hard. I want to die, and I'm starting to get to the point where I just. Feel so broken. And every inch of this place disgusts me sometimes I want to vomit. I miss them. I know they probably don't miss me and have already forgot about me. I want to puke and tear my eyes out

 

[Saturn_]

Like an unwelcome presence, a nuisance. I know I'm unwanted everywhere I go, and the only way I can fix it is through death. I can't feel, act, do anything right. I really hope this doesn't come across like some sob story, I say this because I am a vile person who will continue being vile well into the future, and I'm incapable of connecting with anyone without harming them. I am a walking hazard that corrodes the ground I walk on. I don't deserve any modicum of sympathy. I hope I can successfully ward off my survival instinct and die as soon as possible. I only deserve to suffer.

 

[baller]

bad, I feel numb most of the time and then I want to feel sad so i'm atleast feeling something, y'know?

 

[CTB Dream]

No want this life all awfl rndm unvrs rndm species rndm all ,nothn posbl do this all sffr, all rndm life nonsns

 

[whywere]

No want this life all awfl rndm unvrs rndm species rndm all ,nothn posbl do this all sffr, all rndm life nonsns

You are such a wonderfully kind and ever so thoughtful friend. Without folks like YOU, I would have never made it this far in life and a huge thank you to you for that.

Please have a sun filled rest of this week as you are such a ray of sunshine to/for me.

Walter

 

[HereTomorrow]

Pretend I vented about a friend here. A situation so specifically unique it'll connect to me outside SaSu.

But friend. I want you to know I'm proud of you for doing a lot better. I will keep saying it even if it gets a bit annoying. I'm so, so glad you're doing so much better. I'm so glad to see you dating and making friends. Also the most I can say without details.

Not my closest friend, and I know I'm not hers either . I just care about people so much. I know she might find annoyance at me for saying this to her over and over, so I say it here. I don't have many friends, and one of the few who have an interest in the arcade. I love people too much, I'm just so happy seeing my friends happy. I want to cry tears of joy. I can't cry. It hurts. But I don't want them to know I'm hurting.

 

[damienlerone]

sleepy, and hungry, im going to have a midnight snack hehe

 

[Salvation_]

Well. I'm sad I have to throw out my SN but I can't risk having my luggage stopped in the airport. It's been with me for 3 years now and helped me through a lot. I'm going to miss it.

 

[eatantz]

I can't pay attention in my lesson right now and I have a big essay due Friday and I'm not even half way done. The truth is I don't think I'm making it to university and that kills me. Not because I care about further education but because university is a place I can escape home and figure out my life away from my mum. I want to run away but I have no money or anyone. I hate school and I'm trapped unless I can figure out how to ctb. Hanging is the most affordable option but still so terrifying. Everyday I wake up feeling hopeless and drained, I just wish my dreams would come true.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My workplace was giving out stress balls and anti-suicide pamphlets, apparently because it's mental health awareness month. There's apparently supposed to be resources attached for accessing the mental health benefits from my job that I've been too dysfunctional to activate for myself. I only took a stress ball because I love stupid fidget toys but not a pamphlet. I straight up told one of my coworkers that this retail job of mine was only meant to fund certain aspects of my suicide and were it not for my crush I'd have already been dead around February.

So how do I feel about it? Honestly just a little bit of yearning and anxiety. Nothing new. I wonder if the reality where I took the pamphlets is the one where I somehow manage to unlock all my chakras and explode into a flourish of strong mental health exemplified. Or maybe I just read them and laugh like I do at all therapeutic advice I get knowing it won't work on me. I suppose I could go back tomorrow and get them even though it's my day off but…eh.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm so exhausted. Long weekend but spent all the time in stress trying to buy a first car and in stress trying to make friends. It feels like life is so much work for little reward.

Today is another stressful day, I just want to rest but it feels like all the rest in the world isn't enough.

 

[innominesatanas44]

Im sitting on the floor and begging God to kill me.

 

[chestnut]

I'm feeling grief. I feel empty and disoriented. I question most choices and experiences over the past three years and see not much improvement. It's disheartening.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

Even more than usual I feel exhausted with it all. It's all so pointless. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

 

[soulkitty]

I feel like shit. I feel like I always mess up things with people even when I try my best and try to stop to think things through. I just want to help but I feel like I make things worse and it's tearing me apart. I feel like such a piece of shit person that deserves to die. I hope it's not true but I don't know anymore. I feel so hopeless and when I think I'm doing the right thing it ends up being the wrong thing. Why do I always hurt people even when I never mean to I hate myself

 

[LastFlowers]

Extremely fucking upset, in severe physical and emotional pain, my mouth is all twisted up, lips falling inward, joints disintegrating, can't relax with only 24 worn down teeth and a messed up jaw..etc etc etc..I am sick of the people around me, I am sick of being forced to cater to them while I've never had a chance to live or be a person…I am done with this fucked up face, fucked up body, damaged skin and hair loss, hacked body parts and restricted growth..stuffing tissue into my nose in order to breathe or in my mouth to temporarily prevent grinding down and more tension..but just making things worse.
All the hell that has come from living in a progressively deteriorating prison of flesh..all the hell that has come from the unforgiving nature of other human beings..all the hell that has come from society's cruel and thoughtless response to my appropriate reaction to unacceptable circumstances and disparity…
I need to be fucking done. I'm so tired.
I want to sleep forever, away from all of this.

 

[Callie Arcale]

All the hell that has come from living in a progressively deteriorating prison of flesh..

I am right there in hell as well. The deterioration of my health in the past year has surpassed my wildest nightmares.

I was thinking of you actually, wondering how you were. I am sorry, LastFlower…

 

[damienlerone]

i feel so tired, i might go take a nap
naptime is always the best

 

[LastFlowers]

I am right there in hell as well. The deterioration of my health in the past year has surpassed my wildest nightmares.

I was thinking of you actually, wondering how you were. I am sorry, LastFlower…

I'm so sorry you are there as well.
I hate the complete lack or loss of control over such circumstances.
Seems there is always room for things to get worse..

I am often absent for long periods of time but I definitely remember you, thank you for thinking of me.

 

[Tryingtofindaway]

Sick, tired, disgusted, I hate myself. I'm so sick. I wanna throw up. Why can't I just bash my head against a wall and it not hurt? Why can't I be ok?

Im sitting on the floor and begging God to kill me.

Me too pal. Me too.

 

[angelfeather]

I don't want to be alive anymore

 

[terra.nuvo]

I'm feeling pretty down today. I'm thinking about how I've messed everything up in my life, specifically with my ex-best friend. I miss him so much but I don't deserve to talk to him again. I treated him like shit when all he did was try to love me and make me feel better. I love him so much and I know he's moved on from me already. I miss him so much. I wish he was here right now but he's out living his life without me in it and it hurts. It hurts that he probably doesn't even think of me anymore and when he does think of me it negative. We were so close once. He even let me sleep in his bed one night when I was having roommate troubles and what did I do? I told him I never want to see him again and that I hate him. Why did I do that? Why would I push away someone who loved me so much. He told me he loved me loved me so much he didn't understand it and that he needed me in his life. And I lost that. I'm scared no one will ever love me like that again. I'm scared I'll never love anyone like that again. I miss him so much. He's all I needed. He told me that I was enough for him. He told me so many sweet things that I may never hear again from anyone. I love him so much.

I'm also down about my job. I don't hate it but I really don't like it. I knew it wasn't gonna be my favorite job in the world but I didn't expect it to be so boring and tiring. I wish I never had to work again. I wish I could at least find a job that I like or find tolerable. Why did I have to be born just to work most of my life away? I don't know how people have lives outside of their jobs. I'm just so tired after work that I'd rather just be doing nothing when I get off. Is this the rest of my life? Working and being too tired to do anything else?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel pretty neutral right now. I finished watching an online lecture and took notes for one of my summer classes today. I also read through about half of chapter 1 of the textbook. Besides that, not much has happened.

You know, I'm a pretty unlikeable person (I mean, it's pretty obvious based on a lot of my posts on here). I've been thinking a bit about that today. My likeability seems to hinge on my quiet and closed off demeanor. I have a baby face, so when people notice how quiet I am and how I seem to usually listen and do what they say they automatically like me. They treat me like a child, babying me and putting up with my stupidity. On the rare occasion that they come to gain the unpleasant luxury of me becoming more comfortable around them is when they probably start to realize the mistake that they made. My personality is awful. I have a few redeeming qualities but those are outweighed by all of bad ones. I remember back in high school, when two of my friends from middle school started to hang out more with different people. One of them started to go home with their new friends more often and I would have to stand there, by the bus stop and at the subway station, watching her happily hang out with them while I stood in distance like some dumbfuck loser. There would always be this sense of rage and hurt bubbling up inside of me and I would usually find myself holding back the urge to cry.

Sometimes I can't help but question how stable I am. Small things can sometimes cause me to become so frustrated that it feels like a lump has started growing at the back of my throat and I find myself holding back the urge to cry. I tend to ruin a lot of things for myself. I don't know how to properly cope with my emotions well. That's another bad trait of mine to add to ever growing lists of bad traits that make up me as a person. I'm not good at getting along with others, even when I try my hardest to stay rational and to keep my emotions under wrap. I think this site has done a great job at further highlighting my lack of likeability and flaws. Without the filters that come from real life interactions I'm somehow even worse.

In elementary school I was a little bitch and by high school I remember thinking that all of that was behind me. I remember on day, in grade 9, my friends and I were hanging out with this girl I knew from back in elementary school and said that I never changed. She didn't mean it in a bad way but I remember how hearing that caused me to break inside because it made me realize that I never really improved. I'm still just as much of a piece of shit. Sometimes I wonder why I even came to the conclusion that change was possible when it's clear that I'm never going to truly change.

I wish my parents had aborted me. I wish I was dead.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I can't wait for this all to be over. I refuse to live another day with my eating disorder. You took everything from me.

I feel pretty neutral right now. I finished watching an online lecture and took notes for one of my summer classes today. I also read through about half of chapter 1 of the textbook. Besides that, not much has happened.

You know, I'm a pretty unlikeable person (I mean, it's pretty obvious based on a lot of my posts on here). I've been thinking a bit about that today. My likeability seems to hinge on my quiet and closed off demeanor. I have a baby face, so when people notice how quiet I am and how I seem to usually listen and do what they say they automatically like me. They treat me like a child, babying me and putting up with my stupidity. On the rare occasion that they come to gain the unpleasant luxury of me becoming more comfortable around them is when they probably start to realize the mistake that they made. My personality is awful. I have a few redeeming qualities but those are outweighed by all of bad ones. I remember back in high school, when two of my friends from middle school started to hang out more with different people. One of them started to go home with their new friends more often and I would have to stand there, by the bus stop and at the subway station, watching her happily hang out with them while I stood in distance like some dumbfuck loser. There would always be this sense of rage and hurt bubbling up inside of me and I would usually find myself holding back the urge to cry.

Sometimes I can't help but question how stable I am. Small things can sometimes cause me to become so frustrated that it feels like a lump has started growing at the back of my throat and I find myself holding back the urge to cry. I tend to ruin a lot of things for myself. I don't know how to properly cope with my emotions well. That's another bad trait of mine to add to ever growing lists of bad traits that make up me as a person. I'm not good at getting along with others, even when I try my hardest to stay rational and to keep my emotions under wrap. I think this site has done a great job at further highlighting my lack of likeability and flaws. Without the filters that come from real life interactions I'm somehow even worse.

In elementary school I was a little bitch and by high school I remember thinking that all of that was behind me. I remember on day, in grade 9, my friends and I were hanging out with this girl I knew from back in elementary school and said that I never changed. She didn't mean it in a bad way but I remember how hearing that caused me to break inside because it made me realize that I never really improved. I'm still just as much of a piece of shit. Sometimes I wonder why I even came to the conclusion that change was possible when it's clear that I'm never going to truly change.

I wish my parents had aborted me. I wish I was dead.

I'm a bit surprised to hear you say that you're an unlikeable person because when I first started lurking on this site, you quickly became one of my "favourite" users, in the sense that whenever I saw your profile pic and username, I knew the comment would have something valuable to say. We're not always the best judges of our own selves...

(If I've said this before, forgive me, my memory isn't the best).

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I can't wait for this all to be over. I refuse to live another day with my eating disorder. You took everything from me.


I'm a bit surprised to hear you say that you're an unlikeable person because when I first started lurking on this site, you quickly became one of my "favourite" users, in the sense that whenever I saw your profile pic and username, I knew the comment would have something valuable to say. We're not always the best judges of our own selves...

(If I've said this before, forgive me, my memory isn't the best).

That's very sweet.