Reflection.
Which is quite fucking pointless, counterproductive, and outright unhealthy.
I am a blob.
Blob of uselessness, depression, hatred, grief, frustration, poor choices, bad circumstances, lack of self esteem, and unnecessary internalized turmoil that repeats like a store soundtrack.
It is the most fucking pointless thing in the world.
I am fucking depressed.
I wish I could have had a better outcome, decision making process, relatives, and the support that I needed in the years that it was most crucial to my development.
It is not fun, it is not funny, it is not a joke, it is a life destroyed that went on and destroyed others.
It is a painful reality of what happened and how it happened, what led to it, "solidified" it, and molded it to be stuck this way.