Venting What a strange and horrible hell this is.

[Yumeko.dreams]

Hello all, hows it goin? Ready for a rant?

I have been lurking here for a while, tried almost all available methods, and nothing has worked.
First I went with partial, but both possible anchors here are too poorly angled for my deadweight to continue carotid pressure, so I get lightheaded and then immediately find myself standing and doing dumb shit like doing a dance or other silly lightheaded activities. (That's assuming I can even get correct pressure, not even possible with the doorknobs here. Smh.)

I've tried the turn-a-kit (fuck that word), and quickly figured out that is a bad idea. I've been trying to jury rig a night-night to no avail. Hell, I've even tried the Korean method (the original one, trying to find baroreceptors w/ fingers and going from there.
That one seems fuckin impossible by the way, maybe I just have an unchokeable neck.

Anywho, the only other available method for me is finding a very high place, a very deep and wet place, (no bathtub) or make sweet love to a railroad with my neck.
And all those require running away, (I'm 18, but the person I'm staying with would want to know where I went; can't sneak bc of hyper dogs).
And the worst part? It's not like I am depressed, or in a very bad situation... Well I am in a very bad situation, but still.
I just feel that this world isn't right, everything about it feels wrong, especially in today's world, 1230 AD? Maybe. But not today.
And to top it all off, aside from someone like me not belonging in a place like this, I feel nothing but boredom and pain. Which is saying something, as I stopped feeling things emotionally a few years ago. Or rather, stopped pretending I ever did. At this point, I'm just desperate to gtfo by ctb, but am stopped at every turn by some reason or another. Truly awful being forced to linger here; with nothing to look forward to and even less to look back on. Combined with how people like me are forced to live, I'm sure this is hell. In biblical hell, it is eternal torture, which would lose it's bite in 12 hours, and become pleasure, then numbness in a few days. This is worse. This is the idea of hope dangled infront of you, only for it to be taken away right before you grab it. As you see it lowered again just down the path. Suffering with no joy and joy with no suffering. That is hell. Having no payoff to look forward to. That is hell. This is hell.
Alrighty, rant over, if anyone wants to chat or maybe help me out with some tips, go nuts. I'd love to chat.

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree that existence is so horrifying. I want nothing to do with life at all and I see no point to enduring this life. To me there is nothing positive about being here, life is just endless problems and suffering all for the sake of it. Suicide really should be easier, it's so unfair how difficult it is to leave this life behind. I have never attempted as I would fear something going wrong. If only dying is as easy as just wishing to be gone. I hope that you find freedom from suffering as none of us should ever have to feel pain.

 

[Yumeko.dreams]

I agree that existence is so horrifying. I want nothing to do with life at all and I see no point to enduring this life. To me there is nothing positive about being here, life is just endless problems and suffering all for the sake of it. Suicide really should be easier, it's so unfair how difficult it is to leave this life behind. I have never attempted as I would fear something going wrong. If only dying is as easy as just wishing to be gone. I hope that you find freedom from suffering as none of us should ever have to feel pain.

It's funny kind of, someone can trip the wrong way and manage to snap their neck, but actually trying to do it and suddenly you are 'lucky' and almost superhumanly durable.
Hell, I've never even been able to squeeze my carotids manually to get a little dizzy. Nothing like that.
I do have some failed hang marks on me though, hopefully they clear up before people notice that I didn't actually hit my throat when I 'slipped'.

 

[Euthanza]

Hello all, hows it goin? Ready for a rant?

I have been lurking here for a while, tried almost all available methods, and nothing has worked.
First I went with partial, but both possible anchors here are too poorly angled for my deadweight to continue carotid pressure, so I get lightheaded and then immediately find myself standing and doing dumb shit like doing a dance or other silly lightheaded activities. (That's assuming I can even get correct pressure, not even possible with the doorknobs here. Smh.)

I've tried the turn-a-kit (fuck that word), and quickly figured out that is a bad idea. I've been trying to jury rig a night-night to no avail. Hell, I've even tried the Korean method (the original one, trying to find baroreceptors w/ fingers and going from there.
That one seems fuckin impossible by the way, maybe I just have an unchokeable neck.

Anywho, the only other available method for me is finding a very high place, a very deep and wet place, (no bathtub) or make sweet love to a railroad with my neck.
And all those require running away, (I'm 18, but the person I'm staying with would want to know where I went; can't sneak bc of hyper dogs).
And the worst part? It's not like I am depressed, or in a very bad situation... Well I am in a very bad situation, but still.
I just feel that this world isn't right, everything about it feels wrong, especially in today's world, 1230 AD? Maybe. But not today.
And to top it all off, aside from someone like me not belonging in a place like this, I feel nothing but boredom and pain. Which is saying something, as I stopped feeling things emotionally a few years ago. Or rather, stopped pretending I ever did. At this point, I'm just desperate to gtfo by ctb, but am stopped at every turn by some reason or another. Truly awful being forced to linger here; with nothing to look forward to and even less to look back on. Combined with how people like me are forced to live, I'm sure this is hell. In biblical hell, it is eternal torture, which would lose it's bite in 12 hours, and become pleasure, then numbness in a few days. This is worse. This is the idea of hope dangled infront of you, only for it to be taken away right before you grab it. As you see it lowered again just down the path. Suffering with no joy and joy with no suffering. That is hell. Having no payoff to look forward to. That is hell. This is hell.
Alrighty, rant over, if anyone wants to chat or maybe help me out with some tips, go nuts. I'd love to chat.

Idk how to respond to this, but you're right, 1230 AD hasn't changed so much lmao still feels wrong, I need to stop the hell but can't get hurry, hell is sober and not sober is hell too