Week off from work and no change

[2020wanderlust]

I've had 12 days off from work on a holiday, wanted to see if the stress from work was contributing to how I'm feeling.. In short, I feel no change and might be feeling even worse and even more adamant about ctb. I've been going out, doing stuff, acting happy... I come home and I am so frustrated in myself.

I tried partial a couple of weeks ago but the only anchor point i had in my house was a doorknob which seemed to work but I just couldn't find my sweet spot. But i feel more confident to try again before I go back to work on Tuesday.

I wish I had someone to talk to, my partner knows I'm depressed at th moment but obviously I dont want to confide in him too much.

I even emailed samaritans to write a detailed vent but the reply I got back just left me too exhausted to carry on communicating with them

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I had "holidays" for 3 years when I had become a NEET and I only end up worse than before.

Now that I'm busy and having a productive life again, I'm feeling better but damn, I'm still suicidal and sometimes I just wanna give up.

Anyway, hope you can feel better soon.

Hugs,

Matt