We don't mater

[Tintypographer]

I'm convinced in my own depressed mind that literally nothing matters. We are stuck in a protection-oriented risk evaluating predatory system based on ensuring that there are always enough resources to sustain each individual. As people band together to work their focus is entirely on protecting their collective work. The goal of everything is to convince people that they do matter while realizing that the individual doesn't matter at all.

Truth is, you don't. Not statistically, not longevity, not even to those who know you. Every individual is a blob of matter acting as a pain collector with a focus on minimizing that pain and improving comfort with a few biological triggers inside.

I have nightly periods of unconsciousness that I dream of. It makes me completely happy to be asleep and horrified each day when I wake up knowing that the day will be spent trying to get work done for other people I hate and don't want to work for.

I don't want to be connected to my family. I want to disappear forever.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course we do not matter. The idea that our lives could mean anything is a delusion. We are only here because of evolution anyway, life is just meaningless suffering. Individuals may believe that things matter to them right now but of course they will eventually die and then be forgotten. There is no point to living really, life is completely unnecessary. We were all fine not existing until we were forced to live.

 

[Darkover]

there's no meaning to any of this there's just things happening
there is no me and we don't matter and the world is not ours

 

[Callie Arcale]

Nothing matters, objectively speaking. Who we are, and what we do, only truly matters to our own selves. But in the grand scheme of things, we are inconsequential.

 

[Tintypographer]

I want people and the things they need and want to go away and leave me alone. Just ignore that I exist. That's part of wanting to die. I've closed emails and blocked dozens of phone contacts and deleted LinkedIn and haven't had Facebook for years. I don't want to participate in commerce. Today a person who sells food by delivery came by the house and I ignored the knock and they left a sticker but they have come back three times. While I understand we have purchased their stuff before, just let it go. I don't care if you have to make sales or have any type of quota, I don't want to be part of your special deals or allow you to talk to me.

I hate sales reps who want to get to know me to sell solutions. Truth is I don't want to buy anything ever. I earn plenty of money but want nothing. I want to sneak into grocery stores and buy whatever I need silently, ignore advertising and to be honest if your business fails I don't care. I don't want to engage in commerce.

My church is a place where the leaders desperately want a dynamic and extroverted population and I want to sneak in the back, engage with no one, and leave without meeting anyone. I'll donate money anonymously but I don't want them to know it was from me.

I don't want to buy subscription services. I pay more for what I want if I don't have to ever be in contact with anyone again. I'll pay cash up front to avoid speaking to anyone and have zero contact with them ever again.

Why does society push so hard to engage and keep relationships going. I don't want people to be part of my day to day life. They all need something from me.