Venting Want to leave but keep failing partial

[Nolivesmatter]

I had to move back home with my parents for the second time in January after another failed attempt at being independent. I'm in a lot of debt. I have a worthless degree. My work history is so messed up from job hopping and not being able to hold down jobs. I fear the rest of my life will be working minimum wage. Honestly I'll probably be homeless because I've mostly lost the will to live and take care of myself. And I don't think I'll last long.

I'm 28, and I can't keep living like this. If it weren't for my parents I'd probably already be dead. But I feel trapped in this purgatory.

I tried partial a few times last night, but the guilt keeps eating at me that my parents would have to find my body or I'll fail and end up in an even worse situation, so I keep backing out at the last minute. Then I keep waking up the next day even more afraid that I'll have to keep living.

Since moving home, I've tried partial probably over 20 times.

I've made a lot of mistakes, and I've let my problems stack up without solving them and just don't have the energy to... And yet if I keep on living the problems remain... I don't want to take responsibility for my life, and so I perpetuate my suffering.

I'll probably try again tonight. I'll probably end up back in my bed dreading the morning again. I can't continue like this.

I guess I'm just venting.

 

[Notabadguy]

I pray everynight: "Lord, take me with you". But in the morning I remain alive. I also feel that my life has reached a non-turning point. I feel like a baby of 39. I get you when you are afraid of ending up in worse condition, it's my problem too. Do you have money to try to get N? It would be effective, reliable and painless, if you succeed in your search.

Best wishes.

 

[Remember to forget]

I notice so much on here how people are so hard on themselves, guilt, sorrow for things they feel they could have done better. I hope you can forgive yourself or realise people make shit choices hun, give yourself a little more time to see if things have a possibility of getting better.

 

[Nolivesmatter]

I pray everynight: "Lord, take me with you". But in the morning I remain alive. I also feel that my life has reached a non-turning point. I feel like a baby of 39. I get you when you are afraid of ending up in worse condition, it's my problem too. Do you have money to try to get N? It would be effective, reliable and painless, if you succeed in your search.

Best wishes.

I do not. I'm also living with my parents, so that wouldn't be an option.

 

[mediocre]

I have tried partial a lot of times as well it seems impossible to get right :/

 

[userm23]

I have tried partial a lot of times as well it seems impossible to get right :/

I want to be able to. Drop hanging seems hard to figure out. I just want to die