Before I woke up, my heart was pounding out of control and I was already out of breath. I kept my eyes closed after I woke up for a good thirty minutes because I was processing the death of a person I've only known within that dream. I've already been devastated before I ever opened my eyes. A lot of the details are already starting to slip my mind, so I want to get this posted in text before it fades, because this dream was oddly detailed to begin with.
I've never had an experience like this before, and I don't know if I'd classify it as a nightmare. I haven't been able to get this out of my head all day.
The earlier details ot the dream are probably the most important, but I'm already forgettting them. From what I remember: I was in a home, inside the room of a young adult, though I'd age him at around 16 or 17. My mother was in the same building a few doors down, and I might have been taking care of him or maybe was just his friend. He was balled up and whimpering, and I was able to understand from his body language that he was panicking and at a breaking point. He laid his body out and stood up on his bed, almost touching the ceiling. I then notice he has a shot gun standing vertically in front of him, as tall as he is. I think I remember hearing something about "please believe me" or "please understand me this one time" and me not understanding what he was referring to to begin with.
Seeing the state he was in, and seeing that he had a weapon, I already had a vision of what I was going to witness if I kept staring at him, so I instinctively closed my eyes and went towards and bailed down the hallway. I shuffled about 5-6 steps up the hallway, processing that I abandoned him and wanted to warn the other person in the house about what I saw. Within seconds of me escaping that room, I heard something. Something like a lot of pressure escaping, a low pitched deep blast. Not a loud, snappy bang that I'd normally expect from a gunshot, but I'm chalking that up to being a dream.
I knew what must have just happened, but that same uncertainty forced me to look back into the room to see what happened.
I walked into a scene of the teenager slumping down, the shotgun falling down, and my mind shooting a billion thoughts in a second. I see him laying down, his eyes were closed in a grimacing expression, and his fingers on both hands are heavily twitching. His skin is pale blue. I didn't notice any blood but I also was entirely in shock in that moment. Waves of thoughts were going through my head, but most prominently, an immense sense of guilt took over completely. Before the gunshot, I was scared of entering the room because it was a literal gun, but then I have a conflicting thought doubting that he would even have a reason to point the gun at me. In the span of a second, waves of these conflicting arguments and thoughts go through my head. To this second, I can't understand why I did nothing to intervene.
I woke up in tears. Everything about that scenario was entirely real to me, even after I woke up. I can see the body, I can feel his despair and how he felt used, disposed, and suppressed. I can't remember why or how this person was feeling any of these things, but I felt his pain as if it were my own. I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm forgetting the context that happened in the beginning in the deam.
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD last year involving recurrent deaths of my friends and family in the past few years, this might be a symptom of it. A lot of them were suicides. I wasn't able to function at all today or work. I've never been so affected by a dream before, and the fact that a dream was this imperceptibly different from real life still confounds me. I've been alive for 25 years and never thought some nightmare would persist into my permanent memory as if it were events I experienced in real life. Now that I know that this could happen to begin with, I'm terrified to even think about the possibility of this type of dream happening again.
For what it's worth, I am 100% certain the rest of the dream's context was there when I woke up, but earlier today while I was recovering from this and getting ready for work, I had to run 2 miles in 10 minutes to catch a bus, still missed the bus and found I forgot my key to my job, then had to run back the same distance to my house, figure out a way to get to work within the ten minuntes I had left, and worry about being late for the first time to my new job. There was a lot of detail that I unfortunately ended up forgetting since then.
I had an insane morning that ended up destablising my entire day. I'm so tired of being a sentient human being.
Against my will, my wellbeing that I've been able to keep up for the past week was shot down and I've lost the progress I've made towards tolerating being alive all thanks to a completely passive event I had no conscious control over. I ended up falling into the same coping habits I thought I broke past months ago today. The past day was worse than shit and I've not had this little emotional stability for nearly a year.
I've never had an experience like this before, and I don't know if I'd classify it as a nightmare. I haven't been able to get this out of my head all day.
The earlier details ot the dream are probably the most important, but I'm already forgettting them. From what I remember: I was in a home, inside the room of a young adult, though I'd age him at around 16 or 17. My mother was in the same building a few doors down, and I might have been taking care of him or maybe was just his friend. He was balled up and whimpering, and I was able to understand from his body language that he was panicking and at a breaking point. He laid his body out and stood up on his bed, almost touching the ceiling. I then notice he has a shot gun standing vertically in front of him, as tall as he is. I think I remember hearing something about "please believe me" or "please understand me this one time" and me not understanding what he was referring to to begin with.
Seeing the state he was in, and seeing that he had a weapon, I already had a vision of what I was going to witness if I kept staring at him, so I instinctively closed my eyes and went towards and bailed down the hallway. I shuffled about 5-6 steps up the hallway, processing that I abandoned him and wanted to warn the other person in the house about what I saw. Within seconds of me escaping that room, I heard something. Something like a lot of pressure escaping, a low pitched deep blast. Not a loud, snappy bang that I'd normally expect from a gunshot, but I'm chalking that up to being a dream.
I knew what must have just happened, but that same uncertainty forced me to look back into the room to see what happened.
I walked into a scene of the teenager slumping down, the shotgun falling down, and my mind shooting a billion thoughts in a second. I see him laying down, his eyes were closed in a grimacing expression, and his fingers on both hands are heavily twitching. His skin is pale blue. I didn't notice any blood but I also was entirely in shock in that moment. Waves of thoughts were going through my head, but most prominently, an immense sense of guilt took over completely. Before the gunshot, I was scared of entering the room because it was a literal gun, but then I have a conflicting thought doubting that he would even have a reason to point the gun at me. In the span of a second, waves of these conflicting arguments and thoughts go through my head. To this second, I can't understand why I did nothing to intervene.
I woke up in tears. Everything about that scenario was entirely real to me, even after I woke up. I can see the body, I can feel his despair and how he felt used, disposed, and suppressed. I can't remember why or how this person was feeling any of these things, but I felt his pain as if it were my own. I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm forgetting the context that happened in the beginning in the deam.
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD last year involving recurrent deaths of my friends and family in the past few years, this might be a symptom of it. A lot of them were suicides. I wasn't able to function at all today or work. I've never been so affected by a dream before, and the fact that a dream was this imperceptibly different from real life still confounds me. I've been alive for 25 years and never thought some nightmare would persist into my permanent memory as if it were events I experienced in real life. Now that I know that this could happen to begin with, I'm terrified to even think about the possibility of this type of dream happening again.
For what it's worth, I am 100% certain the rest of the dream's context was there when I woke up, but earlier today while I was recovering from this and getting ready for work, I had to run 2 miles in 10 minutes to catch a bus, still missed the bus and found I forgot my key to my job, then had to run back the same distance to my house, figure out a way to get to work within the ten minuntes I had left, and worry about being late for the first time to my new job. There was a lot of detail that I unfortunately ended up forgetting since then.
I had an insane morning that ended up destablising my entire day. I'm so tired of being a sentient human being.
Against my will, my wellbeing that I've been able to keep up for the past week was shot down and I've lost the progress I've made towards tolerating being alive all thanks to a completely passive event I had no conscious control over. I ended up falling into the same coping habits I thought I broke past months ago today. The past day was worse than shit and I've not had this little emotional stability for nearly a year.
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