ecmnesia
the only thing humans are equal in is death
- Aug 30, 2020
- 766
i was supposed to be dead by now. i was ready. everything was set. not knowing when i will be able to devours me. anxiety clings into my body and I can't help but worry that they will find out about my plans.
waiting is hell. when will you leave me alone? when will I be free? will i still be ready?
i try not to think much about it, but cbt is all I look forward to. i try not to build my expectations, not to seem eager. but fuck. even now, you restrain me. even now, you control me, in my lasts breaths. i can't even claim this moment as mine, i depend on your compliance, on your will to get away and kindly offer me space.
i wish I had the strength to runaway. and then I'd spent my lasts days in a hotel, alone, in peace. i might not be there yet, but it's a matter of time, i guess. you won't restrain me any longer. soon, I'll have no more fears, including you. and then I will be free, from your love, from your hate, your abuse and you. in my time of dying there will be only me. only death will grant me that.
waiting is hell. when will you leave me alone? when will I be free? will i still be ready?
i try not to think much about it, but cbt is all I look forward to. i try not to build my expectations, not to seem eager. but fuck. even now, you restrain me. even now, you control me, in my lasts breaths. i can't even claim this moment as mine, i depend on your compliance, on your will to get away and kindly offer me space.
i wish I had the strength to runaway. and then I'd spent my lasts days in a hotel, alone, in peace. i might not be there yet, but it's a matter of time, i guess. you won't restrain me any longer. soon, I'll have no more fears, including you. and then I will be free, from your love, from your hate, your abuse and you. in my time of dying there will be only me. only death will grant me that.
