Violent thoughts

[conflagration]

Today I had violent thoughts about beating my mother up and then going to the forest to drink SN (it arrived just today). I am 35 years old, on surface I am functioning, I have high paid job, own my apartment without loan, have the couple of friends. On the inside, I am an emotional mess who thinks about committing suicide since I was 12. The only thing that numbs my pain of completely fucked up childhood are antidepressants. When they stop working (as they usually do) I am going to CTB.

 

[makethepainstop]

I understand you very well, family can mess up up by infinite means. Beating hell out of her cannot undo the past. Love, calm and peace, may they be yours.

 

[lonelygirl111]

im sorry that u have been dealing with this kind of pain since such a young age. i think one of the worst pains in the world is to be seemingly okay and put together on the outside yet completely destroyed on the inside. i genuinely hope with the decisions you make you find peace and comfort. wishing you safety and freedom from the pain of your childhood.

 

[Pluto]

I've had violent thoughts about my father before. I wanted to pulverise him to a bloody pulp. Of course, then I'd be the bad guy, never mind the decades of emotional torture leading up to that point.

Of course, real violence is almost always a bad idea. Horrible parents will not change, so it is up to deal with our own situations as we see fit.

 

[theboy]

intrusive thoughts