Venting

[Citruscine]

I feel so worthless for being an adult and yet being completely unable to function in my life. Living by myself I always inevitably fall apart. I can't keep on top of my responsibilities. I don't want to be a burden to those around me. I feel like I have no hope for being able to live independently without crumbling under mental illness.

I feel like my head and heart are going to explode under the strain of containing my negative emotions. I want to talk about how I perpetually want to kill myself but I can't because it feels like walking on land mines. I don't want others to be concerned or think I'm attention seeking but I want help. I don't want people to change how they think of me. I want to stop hiding how much I'm falling apart. I want my suicidal thoughts to be taken seriously and not ignored or brushed under the rug. I don't want my only hope of escape (CTB) to be taken away, but I don't want to be locked up. There's no winning. I just want everything to stop but I don't want to hurt others. I want to die but it's hard to with so many reliable and less violent methods being restricted.

 

[Roseate]

If you want to talk about it, you can message me. I mean the point in being in this website is knowing you're not alone and that there are people like you out there. Also, you can talk openly about it. It's tough not being able to function like everyone else and it's not fair but unfortunately it's life. Making a plan helps with that, at least for me so hopefully it works for you. Try to make solid plans about what you want and little by little work on it.