Venting Vent

[TheWhiskyTheLiar]

I feel genuinely alone.

I'm the person that's always there for everyone. Its great that I can positively touch so many lives. But I don't want to.

But for once I wish they'd notice that I don't want to be alive.
I wish I was more than the reliable friend.
The best friend.
The one who will come help regardless of distance.
The one who gives the shirt off their back.
The one that's always available.
The one that always respects people's boundaries.
The one that always listens and people feel actually listens
The one that people feel safe around
The one that always has time for everyone.


I wish I could tell them that I couldn't give less of a fuxk about them and their lives. I wish I could look people in the eyes and admit that I think they're all pathetic.

But im the nice friend. Everyone's pillar of support.

I'm so fucking sick of pretending I actually care about any of them.
I despise them.

I'm sick of being the strong and brave one.
the i don't know what id do without you one.
the I've never had someone in my life care about me like you do one.
the remarkable one
The inspirational one.

God I wish I could just act like myself.

 

[WornOutLife]

Just some advice here.

I'd been pretending to be the best and happiest friend and teacher for many years until I finally collapsed and exploded.

Then, I isolated myself from "the world" and quit my job. I ended up being a NEET.

That time allowed to think about the past and I realized that even though I was pretending, I was actually happier and not all I said was a lie.

There will be things I'll never be able to talk "normal people" about such as suicide but I can share some other things.

Not everything is so bad but I can relate to what you feel. You're just fed up with pretending.

Hope you find a solution,

Hugs and love

 

[oneanonymous]

I wish I could tell them that I couldn't give less of a fuxk about them and their lives. I wish I could look people in the eyes and admit that I think they're all pathetic.

But im the nice friend. Everyone's pillar of support.

I'm so fucking sick of pretending I actually care about any of them.
I despise them.

This is why I never open up to people, and when I do, I almost always regret it and feel embarrassed. I hide behind jokes and laughter, because I know people will just see me as pathetic if they knew how miserable I really was. So, yeah, I'm always pretending too.

If you not only don't care about any of your friends but actually despise them, why do you even stick around? Is there something else you're getting from them, that perhaps, isn't quite fair to them either? I'd rather be alone than have a friend only pretending to care, when they actually hate me and think I'm pathetic. To me, that's worse than being alone, but I guess we're all different. And how are they supposed to know you want to die if you're always acting fine? I guess I never understood that particular resentment directed at people, but seems pretty common on here, people angry that no one notices their pain when there is no reason for those people to suspect something is wrong. I understand being angry at the situation in general, and can relate to that. I hope this doesn't come across as me attacking you, I'm genuinely curious and want to understand.

Either way, I'm sorry you're so alone and I do hope it gets better.

 

[TheWhiskyTheLiar]

This is why I never open up to people, and when I do, I almost always regret it and feel embarrassed. I hide behind jokes and laughter, because I know people will just see me as pathetic if they knew how miserable I really was. So, yeah, I'm always pretending too.

If you not only don't care about any of your friends but actually despise them, why do you even stick around? Is there something else you're getting from them, that perhaps, isn't quite fair to them either? I'd rather be alone than have a friend only pretending to care, when they actually hate me and think I'm pathetic. To me, that's worse than being alone, but I guess we're all different. And how are they supposed to know you want to die if you're always acting fine? I guess I never understood that particular resentment directed at people, but seems pretty common on here, people angry that no one notices their pain when there is no reason for those people to suspect something is wrong. I understand being angry at the situation in general, and can relate to that. I hope this doesn't come across as me attacking you, I'm genuinely curious and want to understand.

Either way, I'm sorry you're so alone and I do hope it gets better.

I attempted suicide and had a miscarriage within a few weeks of each other. They just don't give a crap. I stay because if I don't I have to hear about how they never expected it from me and all that crap. I don't have the energy to leave.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

i crave someone to reach out to me because they want me in their life, not just because they need something or feel duty bound. My ugly is too much for anyone to see my good anymore

 

[wordsonscreen]

i crave someone to reach out to me because they want me in their life, not just because they need something or feel duty bound. My ugly is too much for anyone to see my good anymore

Maybe people arent looking clearly. We all have an "ugly". It is part of the goodness too. You 100% deserve to feel wanted and loved unconditionally! <3

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Maybe people arent looking clearly. We all have an "ugly". It is part of the goodness too. You 100% deserve to feel wanted and loved unconditionally! <3

Thank you i'm trying to see past my ugly and not let it define me...

 

[wordsonscreen]

Thank you i'm trying to see past my ugly and not let it define me...

You are not just your past :) You are much bigger than all of it. Am proud of you!