Venting [vent] feeling like an asshole.

[synthcadia]

sorry i haven't been on here in a while. been better overall. also been in china.

i just went through and blocked everyone that i had done anything sexually with.

i know i shouldn't, but i feel like an asshole. i feel like i just left people without an explanation. i just wanted to respect my boyfriend, but i feel like a fucking asshole to those people who did respect my relationship.

i just hate myself for being in that position in the first place.

 

[U. A.]

If your current boyfriend pressured you into blocking people you still had a healthy and non-threatening relationship with that is a huge red flag.

 

[maylurker]

how is it in china? is it worth travelling?

 

[synthcadia]

If your current boyfriend pressured you into blocking people you still had a healthy and non-threatening relationship with that is a huge red flag.

in this case, it was people i had done sexual stuff with in the past. when he explained it, he explained it as others not respecting my relationship.

i don't know, he didn't feel comfortable with it.

how is it in china? is it worth travelling?

100000% absolutely. i can't speak about all of china but just my city. it's not like what the media portrays as much.

i am also a foreigner so take what i say with a grain of salt. but as someone who is 1/2 west asian, it feels a little bit closer to home

If your current boyfriend pressured you into blocking people you still had a healthy and non-threatening relationship with that is a huge red flag.

actually some of them i feel like didn't respect the relationship i was in. idk.

i knew my intentions were pure. i think my bf was also looking out for my best interest.

i don't personally think it's a red flag

 

[synthcadia]

If your current boyfriend pressured you into blocking people you still had a healthy and non-threatening relationship with that is a huge red flag.

i forgot to follow up but definitely wasn't pressure. like "if you value this relationship" and i do

just on another note, i think i am grieving the losses. i wish i didn't create those types of relationships with those people, and i feel like i fucking abandoned them (espcially 3 people) but i also love my boyfriend and i hope those people aren't mad at me.

i know it is for the best. i just am grieving the losses. and i am also exhausted as well and stressed out.

in a selfish way i hope that one day i can be friends with them again, maybe when they have partners, but idk. i feel like i'd be betraying my boyfriend and so i think i will wish to not wish for that.

 

[maylurker]

i am also a foreigner so take what i say with a grain of salt. but as someone who is 1/2 west asian, it feels a little bit closer to home

do they react friendly to you? ive heard theyr rlly friendly

 

[U. A.]

i think i am grieving the losses. i wish i didn't create those types of relationships with those people, and i feel like i fucking abandoned them (espcially 3 people) but i also love my boyfriend and i hope those people aren't mad at me.

i know it is for the best. i just am grieving the losses. and i am also exhausted as well and stressed out.

I saw the earlier reply but even after this one, there's too much unclear to really know what the deal is. These were people you had dated but were now only friends with? or had fucked and now were only friends with? In any event—people that you regardless of the history were just friends with?

definitely wasn't pressure. like "if you value this relationship" and i do

is coercion, and

in a selfish way i hope that one day i can be friends with them again, maybe when they have partners, but idk. i feel like i'd be betraying my boyfriend and so i think i will wish to not wish for that.

makes it sound like he decided "you are not allowed to be friends with people you have sexual history with if they are single". It doesn't sound like there was any conversation or trust in you. I'm not writing any more right now because this may not be the deal and even if it is, tbh you seem pretty in denial.

 

[synthcadia]

do they react friendly to you? ive heard theyr rlly friendly

they are friendly. i had someone stare at me today but i think it was 1) speaking chinese and 2) speaking it better than expected.

I saw the earlier reply but even after this one, there's too much unclear to really know what the deal is. These were people you had dated but were now only friends with? or had fucked and now were only friends with? In any event—people that you regardless of the history were just friends with?


is coercion, and

makes it sound like he decided "you are not allowed to be friends with people you have sexual history with if they are single". It doesn't sound like there was any conversation or trust in you. I'm not writing any more right now because this may not be the deal and even if it is, tbh you seem pretty in denial.

to clarify: anyone with a sexual history with. sent nudes with even, even if we were just friends. i understand the exes, but i blocked a good friend of mine cause we did something once.

is that coercion? idk anymore. he apologized for how he acted because he was just anxious and he said he didn't handle it well and i didn't know since we never discussed these boundaries.

for the trust part, he does trust me. he said he is worried that others may try to take advantage of me because frankly i am naive. also, he had an ex that was friends with someone she had a history with and then she left him for that guy.

i just feel like an asshole to all of those people. it hurts. i love my boyfriend though. i love him so much cause i know he would do the same for me.