NSFW Uncensored AMA: 19yo Kamimachi runaway, body for a bed

[Mio_Kamimachi]

Hey... It's nothing, really
If anything, I'm glad you were expresing yourself freely in your own language. But I do apologise, it was not my intention to pretend I knew... I just know that sometimes words fit better when they're told to us in the language of our heart. So I tried to use the words that'd accurately convey my thoughts...

But that aside, I'm so sorry these last few days were... such a struggle.
It's good to know you've made it through so far...

Believe it or not, your own existence is also improving other people's lives, even from far away.
Welcome back

Please do not worry. I appreciate your kind words.

... to be honest I'm surprised you're still alive..

Am i?
Everyone has their hardship. My hardship may be different than others. Others hardship may be different that mine. We should all be proud of ourselves and each other to have it made this far.

My question to you is, what's your life story? I'm curious as to what sort of life you've lead up to now and how you ended up where you are today.

My life has been filled with abuse from the first day. My self worth was never allowed to develop and at one point i stopped trying to even consider i was worth having one. Then life got too much and i finally tried to escape. But instead it just ended in me craving any validation of my own self hatred. Life without abuse felt wrong. So i slid into a lifestyle that helps me hate myself to fill that void in my chest. I am where i am supposed to be.

Based on the way you text, you're English is almost suspiciously good but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since I don't really lose anything either ways.

Grammarly/Autocorrect help me a lot.

 

[Yuja]

My life has been filled with abuse from the first day. My self worth was never allowed to develop and at one point i stopped trying to even consider i was worth having one. Then life got too much and i finally tried to escape. But instead it just ended in me craving any validation of my own self hatred. Life without abuse felt wrong. So i slid into a lifestyle that helps me hate myself to fill that void in my chest. I am where i am supposed to be.

I don't know if I have any right to say this because I also feel like I deserve everything that has happened to me throughout my life but, like you said, you were never allowed to develop your own self-worth. It was never any fault of your own that you lived in the conditions that you were raised in. I really hope that you find a place where you are allowed to explore yourself more intimately and nurture / value yourself more :)

 

[Scythe]

Wondering if you ever considered or tried asking women to let you stay the night? And how do you find places to stay? Sorry if you answered already but the replies are long and didn't get through everything. Since I saw that you said knocking on random doors and asking for a shower is dangerous so I'm wondering how else you find a place.

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

Wondering if you ever considered or tried asking women to let you stay the night? And how do you find places to stay? Sorry if you answered already but the replies are long and didn't get through everything. Since I saw that you said knocking on random doors and asking for a shower is dangerous so I'm wondering how else you find a place.

No worries, it is a valid thing to question. Staying with a woman is honestly the absolute dream because it feels so much safer but the reality is that it's almost impossible. Regular women living alone generally dont take in random miserable broken teens. They are busy worrying about their own safety or don't have the space or money to feed another stranger.

I am actually very suspicious to accept such offers by women because 9 times out of 10 they are a guy using a fake profile to lower my guard or indefinitely worse a scout trying to coerce me into sex work in some host club or cafe. Those clubs will forever trap me in a debt cycle and that is the end of my story.

True megami (women goddesses) are incredibly rare and i don't think worth the risk after knowing the bad outcomes.

I received offers by women to help me on this forum but even here i have to decline those unfortunately. I don't want to get trapped even more than i already am. I can't take any risks.

I would rather continue get beaten up over being kept as a permanent sex slave.

I don't know if I have any right to say this because I also feel like I deserve everything that has happened to me throughout my life but, like you said, you were never allowed to develop your own self-worth. It was never any fault of your own that you lived in the conditions that you were raised in. I really hope that you find a place where you are allowed to explore yourself more intimately and nurture / value yourself more :)

I hope the same for you

 

[Scythe]

I am actually very suspicious to accept such offers by women because 9 times out of 10 they are a guy using a fake profile to lower my guard or indefinitely worse a scout trying to coerce me into sex work in some host club or cafe.

You use some kind of Dating app? Or another forum to find someone to host you?

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

You use some kind of Dating app? Or another forum to find someone to host you?

Long answer out of boredom:
Initially after i ran and arrived here i was kind of lost without a plan and i didn't know at the time what i do now even exists. But if you're just out of highschool your savings don't keep you fed long. I wasted a lot in the initial days renting cheap rooms and then quickly ended up sitting like many others around stations or underground passages.

And what happens to poor helpless homeless girls? They get invited to stay at some guys apartment. I was starved, naive and fucking desperate so i agreed. That was my introduction into this possible survival strategy.

Sit around and look sad - get picked up by gods - let them do their thing - get money and food - survive another day - sit around and look sad - ...

After a few months i learned how to do it the right way by a girl that has been doing the same for longer. She is dead nowadays i think but i am very thankful to her. She taught me how to use twitter and tinder, what tags to use, how to vet them, how the subtle language works and what to be careful off and i am using the same method to this day.

I almost exclusively use Twitter/X now. Here is how i do it but there are other ways as well. do not try at home haha.

You make a burner account every few days because they get banned fast. You do not post your face or your body. You just take a picture of your dirty sneakers (or forearm scars if you have them) standing on the floor of the station west exit. Then you put the tags out like kamimachi, yadokashi, and 045. That last one is important so you only get local guys near Yokohama. The messages start hitting your inbox in a few minutes, or faster during peak time window. You ignore the ones who demand to know your conditions right away. You want the ones who pretend to be nice or offer a warm meal first. They call themselves gentle gods, it is a lie but they are slightly safer to be around. Once you pick a guy you give him a Line contact and delete the post immediately. You tell him to meet you at a busy convenience store or somewhere public. You stand outside and watch him walk up. If he looks completely out of his mind or too aggressive you just walk away and start over. Or don't depending how much you hate yourself that day. That is my almost daily routine at this point about 2-5 times a week depending how starved and cold i am.

I swear i am not trying to pimp out girls. I am just answering questions.... it looks so wrong :c

 

[wine is fine but]

is that you in your profile pic - if so, you are stunning

i hope you can somehow find a way to live a normal type of life one day soon. there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, but the potential danger, and never knowing where your next meal, roof, or sleep is coming would be very difficult to endure. i hope everything works out well for you

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

is that you in your profile pic - if so, you are stunning

Perhaps. Perhaps not. Thank you for the compliment either way (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)♡

i hope you can somehow find a way to live a normal type of life one day soon. there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, but the potential danger, and never knowing where your next meal, roof, or sleep is coming would be very difficult to endure. i hope everything works out well for you

uh, a normal life sounds nice i think. i am worried about the steep learning curve and even possiblity of me being able to be normal. I don't know how to adult and all that stuff. I can barely cook okay food. My mother never taught me much on how to do things and my current life style really isn't very adaptable to normal human life.
This is a big reason i run away whenever some social workers wants to chat me up. The fuck they gonna do? Teach me how to iron clothes and do taxes? When viewed from the outside there are a few obvious paths out of this mess but for me personally... i don't think i will hit my 20s and normal life sounds super scary anyway so why try. i am so lost.

Ugh anyway. I always figured things out before somehow. i always find a way to get up and keep going, even if it is just to spit some douche in his face.

Sorry, let my bratty delinquent side shine through :3 I will try my best. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[wine is fine but]

uh, a normal life sounds nice i think. i am worried about the steeo learning curve and even possiblity of me being able to be normal. I don't know how to adult and all that stuff. I can barely cook okay food. My mother never taught me much on how to do things and my current life style really isn't very adaptable to normal human life

if you can do what you are doing now, a "normal" life would be pretty easy. the only difficult thing would be it might be a little too boring, but trading excitement for safety is sometimes a good thing

This is a big reason i run away whenever some social workers wants to chat me up. The fuck they gonna do? Teach me how to iron clothes and do taxes? When viewed from the outside there are a few obvious paths out of this mess but for me personally... i don't think i will hit my 20s and normal life sounds super scary anyway so why try. i am so lost.

perhaps you run away from them because you do not trust them, which is fully understandable if that is the case
i hope you do hit your 20's and 30's, 40's, 50's etc.
it would be boring, but probably less scary. stability is never over rated. i am sure that being lost is no fun at all. if you could just be found, you might see a normal type of life as positive. once again, i am not putting down anything you do, but you have already told us you feel sick to the stomach, are always hungry and tired, and fear for your safety at times. no one should have to be in that position especially someone so young. i hope you can somehow get yourself into a position where you feel safe and always have enough food shelter and sleep

Sorry, let my bratty delinquent side shine through :3 I will try my best. Thank you for your kind words.

maybe it is your japanese culture showing through, but you seem very articulate and eloquent compared to many people, and especially for someone in your situation. i hope you do and hope you are successful at whatever you try to do. you are welcome. thank you for being so open to strangers, but also taking the time to reply as well

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

if you can do what you are doing now, a "normal" life would be pretty easy. the only difficult thing would be it might be a little too boring, but trading excitement for safety is sometimes a good thing

maybe you are right and normal life would be simple compared to now. i think the quiet and the boredom would just be a massive culture shock and well boring.

perhaps you run away from them because you do not trust them, which is fully understandable if that is the case
i hope you do hit your 20's and 30's, 40's, 50's etc.
it would be boring, but probably less scary. stability is never over rated. i am sure that being lost is no fun at all. if you could just be found, you might see a normal type of life as positive. once again, i am not putting down anything you do, but you have already told us you feel sick to the stomach, are always hungry and tired, and fear for your safety at times. no one should have to be in that position especially someone so young. i hope you can somehow get yourself into a position where you feel safe and always have enough food shelter and sleep

you are totally right about the trust thing too. it is just so hard to believe people want to help without some weird catch. nobody ever did anything big for me without wanting something in return in the end. there is always a trap.

thinking about making it to my 30s or 40s is completely wild to me. i secretly do not even hope to get that old. sounds shitty but i assume everyone my age says that. thinking that far ahead stresses me out anyway. i am really just trying to figure out tomorrow for now. i am staying in a booth tonight so i am chilling, but tomorrow it is going back to reality and go work. i hate weekends.

maybe it is your japanese culture showing through, but you seem very articulate and eloquent compared to many people, and especially for someone in your situation. i hope you do and hope you are successful at whatever you try to do. you are welcome. thank you for being so open to strangers, but also taking the time to reply as well

thank you so much for the compliment on my english. i just watch a lot of youtube in english and always loved watching undubbed american movies and shows. thank you again for caring and taking the time to reply. it genuinely means a lot to me.