Venting Twisting brain rn at 4am kill me

[princessdepression]

I've been thinking lately, how almost my whole life I've been in a state of dreaming. Often times this dream turns into a fucking nightmare and I have no idea how anyone would allow themselves to continue living on this earth. When nothing feels real and everything seems far away, it's the most fear I experience. I don't fear death as much as I fear living. I fear all the pain it brings me because it's always been never ending. No matter how much I fake it till I make it, or try trick myself by acting ok for my family this reality sticks with me when I'm alone. And I'm alone a lot for an 18 y/o. There's no explanation for why I feel this way. And since I've realized that fact, I've realized I just don't belong here. My being is embarrassing and wrong and vile and disgusting with such a fake pretty face such an obnoxious mask shrouding me all the time. I'm empty inside and out.

 

[°Celsuis_Caesar]

Yeah, I can understand, I guess most people try and make life like a Lucid dream like Damian B. But most of us are- well, have problems, though I believe you can find a explanation through Science Diagnosis, but I don't think I could know what goes on in your life.
All the best though

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really can be torture and I know that it can be very painful living a life which is just constant suffering. I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation. Life scares me a lot as well, I personally do not fear death at all, as I believe there to be nothing after this, we simply cease to exist. Life is so pointless and unnecessary, but also so horrifying. More than anything I wish that I never existed in the first place.