trying to prepare mentally and failing already

[owarikigan]

i think the one thing that brought me the most comfort , reason and joy in living this life has been utterly ruined . all because of others being horrid i can hardly perceive it the same. as much as i love this thing it has brought me and continues to bring me so much pain, again, because of other people and circumstances outside of my control. so i have to sell my merch of it. that's a good first step into preparing to ctb , but it's really hard to. it feels like i'm parting with a huge portion of my life, like a mini suicide in itself, and it's a scary feeling to think of a life without it, which is amazing as i didn't think it could get worse. i hate how complicated my feelings are , i don't even know if i'll really gain anything from getting rid of it if i wimp out. i'd likely just end up spending it all on food and gambling and living in regret even though i've grown to nearly loathe said thing. im so tired of minute things forcing me to stay alive

 

[unluckysadness]

Sorry for your situation. I hope you'll find peace whatever you decide

 

[balladeer]

I can somewhat relate, I wish there was a way to get rid of all the awful memories instead of having to lose a part of your soul. If only it could've been so easy.

And I couldn't help but catch your username, if it's what I'm thinking of I absolutely adore kikuohana