Venting Trying to not want to CTB

[Eva is sick]

Hello everyone
I feel like getting close everyday to CTB but i know that deep down i just want to live and enjoy life.. its just that i feel like i tried everything :/
Here is a list of everything i tried
- being on anti depressant
- seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist ( started one year ago now and stopped seing psychologist this week)
- Taking 2 month off work for my well being + now 1month of half time for my mental health
- I have a cat I love deeply
- I have hobbies like crochet and embroidery
- I have good friends that i play with often and see irl one every week
- I do a lot of sport
- Started HRT a few month ago to try and help being well in my body (kinda helped)

Maybe its self-centered but despite having what lot can call a good life i still feel empty and everyday feel like a challenge and is really hard to go by
I just need to understand why i can't just be normal and just enjoy or at least live my life instead of surviving it
Anyone have some advice they can share i'd love to read them tbh

 

[tonicer]

Sounds to me like you're already doing all the things most people would recommend but to me (a lazy guy) it seems a bit too much be mindful as to not burn yourself out with activities just sitting there doing nothing or meditating is important too.

 

[Gabbi_Station]

Hello everyone
I feel like getting close everyday to CTB but i know that deep down i just want to live and enjoy life.. its just that i feel like i tried everything :/
Here is a list of everything i tried
- being on anti depressant
- seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist ( started one year ago now and stopped seing psychologist this week)
- Taking 2 month off work for my well being + now 1month of half time for my mental health
- I have a cat I love deeply
- I have hobbies like crochet and embroidery
- I have good friends that i play with often and see irl one every week
- I do a lot of sport
- Started HRT a few month ago to try and help being well in my body (kinda helped)

Maybe its self-centered but despite having what lot can call a good life i still feel empty and everyday feel like a challenge and is really hard to go by
I just need to understand why i can't just be normal and just enjoy or at least live my life instead of surviving it
Anyone have some advice they can share i'd love to read them tbh

I've tried-
-Therapy and antidepressants a couple times
-Been on a psych hold (forced)
-Exercise (running, going to the gym, hiking, skiing)
-Taking classes to meet people (exercise classes, dance, ect)
-Taking online classes in subjects I was interested in and to force myself to get up during the day
-Left multiple jobs and took new ones hoping the work culture would be better and I would meet people
-Regularly went for walks and went to get coffee
-Took time off work for mental health
-Took meditation courses
-Got my BA and MA
-Smoked weed and took other drugs
-Went clubbing and bar hopping
-Started going to church
-Tried dating apps multiple times
-Spend time reading and watching films
-Painting and art
-Threw myself into writing
-Looked into local events and tourist stuff
-Found more communal housing
-Tried to move or live in the city
- Retail therapy
-no longer talking to my dad

The list goes on and on. I'm still horribly depressed and lonely and constantly trying to cbt.

I would say partying does help you meet people if you are lonely though, even though it often makes your mental health worse

 

[Eva is sick]

Sounds to me like you're already doing all the things most people would recommend but to me (a lazy guy) it seems a bit too much be mindful as to not burn yourself out with activities just sitting there doing nothing or meditating is important too.

Probably true but i also tried doing nothing and meditating
The only thing i know help is when im not alone
For exemple i went one week at a friend house or when i was with my ex gf but i don't like being dependent to other in order to feel life