scordatura
hate myself
- Sep 12, 2025
- 107
My life just never turned out great did it?
It feels almost beyond return. I've made mistakes like the best of people. But really, that's not why life has went to shit. I'm not perfect, of course I know that. I don't hate myself because I'm imperfect, I don't care. I don't mind. I have a few regrets, only people I have lost. I'm not a bad person overall. May have some toxic traits at times, but I'm not the worst person, really... I'm not even close.
No one cares what you really are though... they care about what you've been made out to be.
I wouldn't change my interests and I had a lot going for me, and in isolation outside of society. If I was hundreds of miles away for any other human, I'd still have the one goal I have now. I wouldn't mind who I am. I wouldn't change my overall personality. In fact I wouldn't want to change anything about my personality. I would just like to harness specific traits more productively rather than using then against myself. But...
But other people...
I've always kept to myself, and had only a few close to me.
Everything changes though, once you cross paths with people who have really bad intentions. They can change your life so quickly. I mean malicious people. People who only get pleasure from destroying those around them. Ruining those around them, sabotaging them, dragging their names down, damaging them, and twisting them into whatever the hell they want, for their own fucked up excitement and pleasure, just to watch everyone else do exactly as they planned to whoever it is they targeted.
Being on the receiving end of people like that. It's hard to ever live normally again...
I am controlled by other people, because those people controlled how other people viewed me.
I'm the scapegoat...
There is no justice... not in this world... never in this world...
I wish something could save me, and I wish I had my own justice. Society is sick. It has made us all sick. The good and the bad of us.
There are still good people... but even then... the "good people" that don't know you, can be just as fucking ignorant...
I live, I exist on, and I hope that there are some people, some people I can trust. Some people that don't want to harm me. Some people that would look out for me, people who don't want to see bad things happen to me. People that would protect me. People that care for me. And people that trust me also.
I have some people I trust... well people I "think" I can trust. I hope I can trust. As much as if I even can trust at this point. They mean more to me than I do to them but... I hope my perception of them, is what they are. That's the only thing that clings me to this existence. That makes me feel safe. As close to safe as I can. If even they turned out not to be... I would finally have nothing left.
I am scared. Everyday. I ignore it and "live" if you can call it that.
It feels almost beyond return. I've made mistakes like the best of people. But really, that's not why life has went to shit. I'm not perfect, of course I know that. I don't hate myself because I'm imperfect, I don't care. I don't mind. I have a few regrets, only people I have lost. I'm not a bad person overall. May have some toxic traits at times, but I'm not the worst person, really... I'm not even close.
No one cares what you really are though... they care about what you've been made out to be.
I wouldn't change my interests and I had a lot going for me, and in isolation outside of society. If I was hundreds of miles away for any other human, I'd still have the one goal I have now. I wouldn't mind who I am. I wouldn't change my overall personality. In fact I wouldn't want to change anything about my personality. I would just like to harness specific traits more productively rather than using then against myself. But...
But other people...
I've always kept to myself, and had only a few close to me.
Everything changes though, once you cross paths with people who have really bad intentions. They can change your life so quickly. I mean malicious people. People who only get pleasure from destroying those around them. Ruining those around them, sabotaging them, dragging their names down, damaging them, and twisting them into whatever the hell they want, for their own fucked up excitement and pleasure, just to watch everyone else do exactly as they planned to whoever it is they targeted.
Being on the receiving end of people like that. It's hard to ever live normally again...
I am controlled by other people, because those people controlled how other people viewed me.
I'm the scapegoat...
There is no justice... not in this world... never in this world...
I wish something could save me, and I wish I had my own justice. Society is sick. It has made us all sick. The good and the bad of us.
There are still good people... but even then... the "good people" that don't know you, can be just as fucking ignorant...
I live, I exist on, and I hope that there are some people, some people I can trust. Some people that don't want to harm me. Some people that would look out for me, people who don't want to see bad things happen to me. People that would protect me. People that care for me. And people that trust me also.
I have some people I trust... well people I "think" I can trust. I hope I can trust. As much as if I even can trust at this point. They mean more to me than I do to them but... I hope my perception of them, is what they are. That's the only thing that clings me to this existence. That makes me feel safe. As close to safe as I can. If even they turned out not to be... I would finally have nothing left.
I am scared. Everyday. I ignore it and "live" if you can call it that.
