Trying to get better until I graduate

[Ghostlights]

I'm in my final year of school and I'm graduating in a month. I don't go to class anymore, I only have to go to school for my final exams and between those exams I get to stay at home. I've been in a bad place (mentally) for many years, but in the last few years I started losing my hobbies and now I just rot in bed all day and spend way too much time on the internet. Now, that I don't have to leave the house for school, it's even worse. Since I'll be finally "free" in a month, I want to able to actually enjoy doing something by then, which is why I want to force myself to do something every day. Even if it is just a simple thing like drawing, studying, taking a walk or cleaning...

That's probably not very interesting to other people, but I'll try to give an update every day. By telling the internet, my chances of following through are probably higher. I still have about eight hours left of today, so I'll be back later and tell you what I did today.

(I know this won't solve the problems, which I had for years, but I've not managed to convince myself to go to therapy yet and even if so, I'd still have to wait for months until I get to see a therapist.)

 

[Ghostlights]

Day 1:
I went to a free concert of a local band. Had to leave early, because a man about twice my age wanted to know where I live and asked for my number. He followed me, but I eventually managed to escape.
I'm feeling very discouraged right now... I'm scared of leaving the house, because he only lives about a mile away from me.

 

[Ghostlights]

Day 2:
Went to school, because I wanted to discuss something with a teacher about a final exam, but I couldn't find them... they are probably still sick. In the afternoon, I practiced guitar for a couple of hours, because I have a lesson tomorrow and didn't do anything for the last week. It was quite nice noticing some improvement.

 

[Isolatedloner]

I'm with you here too. Sorry about that gross person. I'm struggling with graduating and it's so much to deal with but it can be done.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I hope all goes well for you, I'm wishing you the best.

 

[Ghostlights]

I hope all goes well for you, I'm wishing you the best.

Thank you so much!^^

I'm with you here too. Sorry about that gross person. I'm struggling with graduating and it's so much to deal with but it can be done.

Thank you! Wishing you all the best for your graduation!

 

[Ghostlights]

Day 3:
Had a guitar lesson, which went really well. The weather was a bit better today than it was in the last couple of days, so I went to drop of package and bought a shampoo I wanted to try. Biggest achievement today: I finally organized my closet!

I also made a list of my bad habits, which I need to quit. Came to the conclusion, that I should stop watching suicide videos on WPD, because it has evolved into some sort of mental self harm. Gonna limit my screentime for Instagram to one hour to reduce doomscrolling and I'll try to brush my teeth after every meal and do some skincare, since those are some things I've been neglecting a bit because of my mental health.

 

[Ghostlights]

Day 4:
Today I worked on summarizing the stuff I need to know for my last two final exams, but did less than I wanted to. I started cleaning my room... still not done yet, because it's really messy. Hopefully I'll manage to completely clean it in the next few days... this is something I struggle with a lot.
Sadly, I didn't reach my screentime goal...

 

[Ghostlights]

Day 5:
Went to school again and finally found the teacher I wanted to talk to. Made 15,000 steps and did some more cleaning, but I'm still not done yet. I also fixed some holes in my socks... turned out better than expected. Spent a bit of time on Pinterest, looking for some crafts I could learn/do. If you have any recommendations, please share them!

 

[pyamu]

Day 5:
Went to school again and finally found the teacher I wanted to talk to. Made 15,000 steps and did some more cleaning, but I'm still not done yet. I also fixed some holes in my socks... turned out better than expected. Spent a bit of time on Pinterest, looking for some crafts I could learn/do. If you have any recommendations, please share them!

I enjoy crocheting (just granny squares bc i am bad and trying to improve makes me stressed) but I also like papercrafts! Maybe make this pig (reddit link) :D It brings me lots of joy. I'm also graduating and I cannot bare waiting...

 

[Ghostlights]

I enjoy crocheting (just granny squares bc i am bad and trying to improve makes me stressed)

That's a great idea! I tried to learn it during the pandemic, but I quickly gave up. Maybe it's time to try it again.

Maybe make this pig (reddit link)

Thank you! That made me laugh! :D

 

[pyamu]

That's a great idea! I tried to learn it during the pandemic, but I quickly gave up. Maybe it's time to try it again.

Thank you! That made me laugh! :D

yeah.. i just stick with whatever is most simple and make squares/rectangles.... they're very easy since it's the same repetitive motion and I can do it while watching a show or movie and feel productive since I made a coaster... Lately I don't have the mental strength to do things I am bad at, and I'm too tired to try to actually improve at them.

 

[8hsjyd]

Keep up the good work :3. While life can be very difficult, if you've even the merest attachment to it, it's worth at least making an effort to purse that, as you're doing. Improvement is a slow and even unstable process, but consistent effort amounts to large changes in the end, even if it takes far longer than one would like and isn't obvious in the moment.

Gonna limit my screentime for Instagram to one hour to reduce doomscrolling

Perhaps try enabling a black and white filter on your devices. Many phones and computer operating systems have an option for this in accessibility or somewhere else. It's an empirically studied method and results in what is basically an immediate reduction of screen time in that it makes the device less stimulating to engage with. Just make sure you keep it on no matter what. Also, perhaps go through your notification settings and disable alerts for non-essential apps if you haven't done so already.

 

[Ghostlights]

Keep up the good work :3. While life can be very difficult, if you've even the merest attachment to it, it's worth at least making an effort to purse that, as you're doing. Improvement is a slow and even unstable process, but consistent effort amounts to large changes in the end, even if it takes far longer than one would like and isn't obvious in the moment.


Perhaps try enabling a black and white filter on your devices. Many phones and computer operating systems have an option for this in accessibility or somewhere else. It's an empirically studied method and results in what is basically an immediate reduction of screen time in that it makes the device less stimulating to engage with. Just make sure you keep it on no matter what. Also, perhaps go through your notification settings and disable alerts for non-essential apps if you haven't done so already.

Thank you! I couldn't find this filter (or maybe my phone doesn't have that), but I set a time limit for certain apps. It's working quite well so far... instead of doomscrolling I often end up just doing nothing, but at least it's better for my brain.



Day 6:
Today, I tried some different products for my hair. Usually, I just use whatever I find in the bathroom, but everyone in my household has straight hair and mine is rather wavy. It was actually more curly and looked better a few years ago, when it rained for the whole summer, but now my hair is lacking hydration. It seemed to work a bit... my hair doesn't look that dry anymore.
Today's step count: about 13,000
Painted some boxes I keep my flashcards in and tried something different with my outfit today. Most days I go for all black (since most bandshirts are black), but I think I'd maybe like more colors in my closet...
Wasn't really productive today, because I spent a lot of time daydreaming about how cool it would be to live in a region where you could learn surfing or snowboarding. Well, that's very unrealistic for me, because I don't live near the mountains or the sea and also don't have the money for vacations like that. Sometimes I think I should start playing sports, but I hate everything that's played in team... tried jogging, but somehow my joints started to hurt really badly and breathing was so hard for me that I wondered if that's even normal anymore.

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Small slow steps do not overthink about the future

 

[8hsjyd]

I couldn't find this filter (or maybe my phone doesn't have that)

The following may work if you've an android device: www.youtube.com/watch?v=apUpbYrzTMo. On iOS / MacOS, one can enter the Settings app, then select Accessibility, then Display & Text Size, then Color Filters, then Grayscale.

Re. your hair, possibly try a leave-in conditioner, though ideally nothing too thick. A tiny amount of a light cream which you spread through your hair after showering can work genuine wonders, especially if you have curls. I use 'As I Am Leave In Conditioner', though that product may be oriented towards hair slightly curlier than your own.

 

[Ghostlights]

The following may work if you've an android device: www.youtube.com/watch?v=apUpbYrzTMo. On iOS / MacOS, one can enter the Settings app, then select Accessibility, then Display & Text Size, then Color Filters, then Grayscale.

Re. your hair, possibly try a leave-in conditioner, though ideally nothing too thick. A tiny amount of a light cream which you spread through your hair after showering can work genuine wonders, especially if you have curls. I use 'As I Am Leave In Conditioner', though that product may be oriented towards hair slightly curlier than your own.

Thank you so much! I couldn't find it at first, because the English word in the settings wasn't translated into my native language... they used a word with a different meaning, but that video helped a lot!
I'm also gonna look for a leave- in conditioner the next time I'm going to the store.

Your answers are a perfect example of why I love SaSu. This community is really helpful and supportive.

 

[Ghostlights]

Day 7:
Had to do some work in our garden, which took a lot of time. I also made two macrame bracelets, one with fishbones and the other one in different shades of green. I have never done this before, but I really enjoyed it, so maybe it will develop into a new hobby.
New achievement: Ate more than usual, which is good, because I'm underweight and sometimes forget to eat.

 

[never mind me]

Thank you! I couldn't find this filter (or maybe my phone doesn't have that), but I set a time limit for certain apps. It's working quite well so far... instead of doomscrolling I often end up just doing nothing, but at least it's better for my brain.



Day 6:
Today, I tried some different products for my hair. Usually, I just use whatever I find in the bathroom, but everyone in my household has straight hair and mine is rather wavy. It was actually more curly and looked better a few years ago, when it rained for the whole summer, but now my hair is lacking hydration. It seemed to work a bit... my hair doesn't look that dry anymore.
Today's step count: about 13,000
Painted some boxes I keep my flashcards in and tried something different with my outfit today. Most days I go for all black (since most bandshirts are black), but I think I'd maybe like more colors in my closet...
Wasn't really productive today, because I spent a lot of time daydreaming about how cool it would be to live in a region where you could learn surfing or snowboarding. Well, that's very unrealistic for me, because I don't live near the mountains or the sea and also don't have the money for vacations like that. Sometimes I think I should start playing sports, but I hate everything that's played in team... tried jogging, but somehow my joints started to hurt really badly and breathing was so hard for me that I wondered if that's even normal anymore.

Learning a fun sport sounds like a good idea! I really enjoy climbing and bouldering, even though I can mostly only do it in the gym, because I also don't live close to the mountains .

 

[Ghostlights]

Learning a fun sport sounds like a good idea! I really enjoy climbing and bouldering, even though I can mostly only do it in the gym, because I also don't live close to the mountains .

A similar "replacement" for the sport you actually want to do seems like a great idea. Maybe I should get a skateboard or a surfskate since it's also a board... not the same thing as a surfboard or a snowboard, but it could be fun.

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Why till graduate ?? Life won't suddenly become better. Life is life deal with it now

 

[Ghostlights]

Why till graduate ?? Life won't suddenly become better. Life is life deal with it now

I know, my life won't be suddenly perfect after graduation, but I'm still happy, that I don't have to go to this school anymore. After graduation, I'll have some free time for a couple of months and during a part of this time I'll be staying in the country, which my mom is from. Since I don't want to stay in bed all day like I usually did for the last couple of years, I'm trying to get used to doing something every day, so I actually keep myself busy during the time I don't have to study anymore. Of course my way to getting better doesn't end after graduation. I just chose my graduation as "the end" of this thread, because it's the next "bigger" milestone in my life to graduate and writing a few sentences on SaSu every day for only a month seems manageable.

 

[weishenme]

U have really inspired me to be a better person so tysm! And I hope that ur journey of having a good mg goes up, wishing u all the best things in life