Recently I made a plan to ctb and I was about to do it Monday morning actually. Now the obvious is that I am still here and talking so it must not have happened. Well on Saturday I answered a call from 988 which was a follow up call, one of two since I was chatting last week and they suggested follow ups to check on me. I am not one for my opinion to be changed at all with persuasion, empty promises, or words in general. Anyway I answered it (around 7-8 pm) and was just talking for an hour just answering questions or making small talk because I am not a very good chatter anyway and suck at making conversation especially if its about myself which I never do, and they asked probably three separate times if they could contact a mobile crisis team to come check on me since I declined a safety plan or any help prior. After some more trying to convince me to seek help and I declined calmly, we eventually got to the end of the conversation, and I sat in bed thinking nothing of that, and thinking about times and stuff for the morning to go bike to a pond at 4am and have a backpack filled with rocks taped to my hoodie with a book to read to calm my nerves till I'd jump in. Can't swim well at all anyway, barely able to keep myself afloat. About an hour or two passes, and unbeknownst to me, the caller had contacted the police or something and they traced my phone number and pinged my phone, finding my address and then at around 9 pm, I was startled when my father opened the door (yes I still live with my parents, I'm broke) and a cop came in, and basically asked questions and I lied and deleted the call information and any evidence of me contacting 988 after that and handed him the phone. I know he's not stupid and knows I deleted them, but he didn't do much after that besides take my fucking weopons like knives which i think was unnecessary. My parents got confused, angry and Im not sure what else, but my mother was using the 'guilt tactic' and proceeded to ramble that if I were to kill myself, shed kill herself to and itd be my fault.
I fucking hate my mother sometimes with her always doing these things when something was about my mental health, not that I give a shit about my mental health anyway, but she just makes connections, that just don't exist, to my actions and blames me for completely unrelated things.
For example, when I had runaway a couple years ago when I was still a minor and got caught from running from the cops and handcuffed, and brought home, she blamed me that the day prior my father thought he was having a heart attack (heart issues are common on his side of family, and he was actually fine) and said it's completely my fault because I was being selfish about running away and not wanting to come back.
???
There are MANY examples, this is just one
I don't know if this is true or fair, would like to hear your opinions, also is 988 allowed to send police without your consent (dumb question I know) because if so (to me at least) that's bullshit for them to do that to me.
Take this with a grain of salt, Im probably doing something stupid or wrong, not sure but eh
:D
I fucking hate my mother sometimes with her always doing these things when something was about my mental health, not that I give a shit about my mental health anyway, but she just makes connections, that just don't exist, to my actions and blames me for completely unrelated things.
For example, when I had runaway a couple years ago when I was still a minor and got caught from running from the cops and handcuffed, and brought home, she blamed me that the day prior my father thought he was having a heart attack (heart issues are common on his side of family, and he was actually fine) and said it's completely my fault because I was being selfish about running away and not wanting to come back.
???
There are MANY examples, this is just one
I don't know if this is true or fair, would like to hear your opinions, also is 988 allowed to send police without your consent (dumb question I know) because if so (to me at least) that's bullshit for them to do that to me.
Take this with a grain of salt, Im probably doing something stupid or wrong, not sure but eh
:D
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