cracklingroses
Member
- Sep 10, 2023
- 73
I just travelled all the way across the country to a rehab. It was a very impulsive decision I made in a day. Now I am out $500+ because I wanted to leave overnight.
Either my addiction was going to kill me or I was going to CTB on my birthday. So I thought this was the right decision.
I don't know why I've fought so hard for "help" when I really do just want to die.
There is no true help out there. At least nothing I have ever experienced. Coming here was a huge mistake. There is no therapy, "treatment", anything. Just a glorified psych ward.
Luckily it is voluntary so I can leave when I want (unless they are lying about that, too). But now I have no money to get home. Maybe I will next month, though I spent it all on the ticket here, but I really can't wait that long.
I feel so stupid. My parents are pissed that I already want to come home even though they have done nothing to support me to get here. They were constantly talking me out of going to rehab because I'm being used as a pawn in their miserable marriage. Playing therapist for the both of them. Now they suddenly don't want me to come home? Wtf?
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I mean it's nice to be off the drugs finally and get some actual sleep but the cravings are taking over.
I told myself that if this didn't work out I am still CTB on my birthday in November. Looks like that's the plan. I can't believe how much worse things continue to get.
I have tried and tried to advocate for myself and to seek "help", but for what? This is all so hopeless.
This is the first place I've ever been able to have my phone, so I guess that's nice. So it doesn't completely feel like a psych ward. But it is run like one. I haven't been outside at all. Don't know when any groups are, if there are any. No staff around to ask questions. Just stuck in my room sleeping just like in a psych ward. At least I'm not forced meds here.
The rehab flew me out here, and I need to pay them back. But I doubt they will fly me back home. I've never been this far away from home and I don't even know if I can scrounge the money to get back. The ticket to get here is more than half of what I even make in a month. Plus the expenses for transportation. So I don't know what to do. I miss my dogs.
This is so pointless. I am so fucking mad I came all this way to be lied to. They made it seem like they have outings, a gym, therapy, groups, etc. and it was all a fucking lie! Wtf?? Why am I so fucking stupid? Why do I bother?
I don't expect anyone to read this. I just need to get it out since I have no one else to talk to.
Either my addiction was going to kill me or I was going to CTB on my birthday. So I thought this was the right decision.
I don't know why I've fought so hard for "help" when I really do just want to die.
There is no true help out there. At least nothing I have ever experienced. Coming here was a huge mistake. There is no therapy, "treatment", anything. Just a glorified psych ward.
Luckily it is voluntary so I can leave when I want (unless they are lying about that, too). But now I have no money to get home. Maybe I will next month, though I spent it all on the ticket here, but I really can't wait that long.
I feel so stupid. My parents are pissed that I already want to come home even though they have done nothing to support me to get here. They were constantly talking me out of going to rehab because I'm being used as a pawn in their miserable marriage. Playing therapist for the both of them. Now they suddenly don't want me to come home? Wtf?
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I mean it's nice to be off the drugs finally and get some actual sleep but the cravings are taking over.
I told myself that if this didn't work out I am still CTB on my birthday in November. Looks like that's the plan. I can't believe how much worse things continue to get.
I have tried and tried to advocate for myself and to seek "help", but for what? This is all so hopeless.
This is the first place I've ever been able to have my phone, so I guess that's nice. So it doesn't completely feel like a psych ward. But it is run like one. I haven't been outside at all. Don't know when any groups are, if there are any. No staff around to ask questions. Just stuck in my room sleeping just like in a psych ward. At least I'm not forced meds here.
The rehab flew me out here, and I need to pay them back. But I doubt they will fly me back home. I've never been this far away from home and I don't even know if I can scrounge the money to get back. The ticket to get here is more than half of what I even make in a month. Plus the expenses for transportation. So I don't know what to do. I miss my dogs.
This is so pointless. I am so fucking mad I came all this way to be lied to. They made it seem like they have outings, a gym, therapy, groups, etc. and it was all a fucking lie! Wtf?? Why am I so fucking stupid? Why do I bother?
I don't expect anyone to read this. I just need to get it out since I have no one else to talk to.
Seems there are so many good souls on here.
