Tough love

[ClairyFairy]

I was in a situation where my family thought I deserved so called tough love. I was stuck in a psych ward and nobody came to see me. It really fed into my mental health problems and I really think it impaired my relationships that were very fractious already. It alienated me more from a family that had already set me apart from them all. I spoke to my mum about it the other day. At the time she really thought she was doing the right thing. I don't know if I agree or disagree. I really think destigmatising mental health is important but if I had cancer my whole family wouldn't say we're not speaking to you. We'll tough love this cancer out of you fairy. No fucking way they would so it's not right for severe mental health either

 

[celan]

No. But people are different, so actually it's not impossible, that it could work for some. I think it's wrong to force someone to do something or to patronize a "loved" person. Love is never tough (unless you're into BDSM).

 

[Anxieyote]

I'm going to go ahead and say that there are certain points in my life where I wished my parents had exercised "tough love", although whether or not my mental health would have declined is anyone's guess.

I struggled with severe depression when I left home for college, and living in dorm rooms with other people my age was an absolute shock to my system. I handled it very poorly and became reclusive. I didn't leave the dorm room often, and my roommate began to resent me for it because he never got privacy or alone time.

I was hailed into a fraternity surprisingly, and I honestly believe that if I had pushed myself to be more sociable, that particular group of men would have been a great influence on me. They were not the standard "frat bros" you think of; almost all of them seemed like genuine and kind people.

My social anxiety got the best of me though, and I backed out at the last second to move back home with my parents. Dad really wanted me to stay, and he told me he didn't think it was a good idea, but I begged him, and promised him that I would attend a local community college instead while living with them.

I dropped out of that community college twice, and just barely got out with an associate's of art degree at the age of 26. I met zero new friends, and had no social life outside of coworkers and Mom and Dad.

I romanticize the version of my life that could've been if I had just pushed myself to be more social and connect. But I have always been weak, so maybe it wouldn't have happened how I expected.

 

[patheticpartner]

Personally, I don't perceive someone refusing to visit me at a psych ward as "tough love," but maybe my perception of tough love is inaccurate. If your mother was the one to force you to stay at the psych ward, I'd view that as tough love. The not visiting part is just awful to me, and I'm sorry you weren't supported by your loved ones during your stay.

 

[Ramirez]

As someone with severe bpd tough love is not even a thing to me. To me its "being an asshole" and it'll trigger me to the point of being destructive and suicidal af. Depends on the mental illness I guess.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Personally, I don't perceive someone refusing to visit me at a psych ward as "tough love," but maybe my perception of tough love is inaccurate.

It was more than that, for months after I was out nobody would speak to me it was pretty hard. My kids saw me for like 20 minutes at a time after months of begging to a answer machine

To me its "being an asshole" and it'll trigger me to the point of being destructive and suicidal after.

Amen to that

 

[patheticpartner]

It was more than that, for months after I was out nobody would speak to me it was pretty hard. My kids saw me for like 20 minutes at a time after months of begging to a answer machine

To me its "being an asshole" and it'll trigger me to the point of being destructive and suicidal after.

Amen to that

Agreed, what was done to you was way more horrible than I imagined. The refusals to visit you in the psych ward were already cruel enough in my opinion. I commend you for enduring all that hardship.