Venting Too scared to die too scared to live

[Iwantedtodieforlong]

I wanna die so bad but im scared of what will happen, i have no idea what will happen in the afterlife, but at the same time im scared of life I'm scared of the unpredictable shit that will happen one way or another

 

[Anxieyote]

It's tremendously difficult to work up that last bit of motivation to go through with CTB. Your tolerance for life's bullshit will be tested until you reach a point where you're anticipating the event. Everyone's limit will vary

 

[doesntevenmatter]

I feel this a lot. Especially right now as I drink myself to sleep and think about just ending it all, because it often feels it would be so much easier than dealing with life. Drinking gets me oh so much closer to the edge, but I never can seem to "pull the trigger", so to speak. I can't say I am necessarily afraid of what will happen in life, but that I don't want the pain that comes with just "living".

 

[Snake of Eden]

It's tremendously difficult to work up that last bit of motivation to go through with CTB. Your tolerance for life's bullshit will be tested until you reach a point where you're anticipating the event. Everyone's limit will vary

I started doubting there is such a limit that exist for everyone. From my personal experience it seems like some people are able to ctb and others dont. I have a method ready and I went through varied periods where i thought i was sure I wanted to ctb but later to find out that I couldnt. Days still have to show wether i have a limit to push me to finally do it

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I wanna die so bad but im scared of what will happen, i have no idea what will happen in the afterlife, but at the same time im scared of life I'm scared of the unpredictable shit that will happen one way or another

Maybe the time isn't right yet, and part of you is not ready yet. Maybe it's something else.
I understand how you feel. I feel the same. But I honestly hope to build up enough courage soon. I hope you will figure it out.

 

[Chiisai]

A being
Trapped in between
The choice of death and living
May mind be clear
And peace begin
The choice of happiness unending

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, it is like being trapped when you are too scared to die and too scared to live. I'm sorry you are suffering. While I strongly believe there is nothing after this and death comforts me, I still feel held in this world by the SI. We are programmed to survive after all. Life scares me too. I think I will only be able to leave once I reach a point of desperation/hopelessness. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.