Too numb to CTB?

[hoping to lose hope]

Has anyone else become so numb that they worry they will not have the urge to go through with their attempt despite wanting to die?
It can feel like you are already dead inside if you are emotionally numb and no life events can make you feel either happy or sad.
Is this something anyone else can relate to at all :3

 

[http-410]

I'm permanently numb because of dissociation and while I think this numbness helps to endure the struggle, at the same time dissociation would make it easier to take the final step. However, my dissociation itself is unbearable, so I'm stuck in a circle, unless I die.

 

[TheLostCause]

I feel numb an awful lot. It makes it really hard to function. Im generally numb or having a breakdown, theres no sorta in between.

 

[StateOfMind]

Not really no.
A sub-standard life has almost become normal for me.
Which is why need to get out of here before I give up on giving up..

 

[deathbyginger]

I can relate to this, but I rather dissociate from my feelings and life. My personality is lifeless. Everything I do and see seems unreal and of little importance. I'm still suicidal most of the time, but not to the extent of an urgent need to leave. I miss having a personality and feelings, but when I embrace it, I no longer have the will to live.

 

[AutoTap]

Imo being numb would make ctb easier?

 

[elfgyoza]

Imo being numb would make ctb easier?

Definitely does in my experience, but there's also a point where you're too numb to do anything at all because you can't be bothered, everything is just 'meh'. Or perhaps thats just anhedonia?
The sweet spot is being numb to the emotions that cause guilt, while still feeling the despair and intense sadness that caused the need to CTB in the first place

 

[EmptyManForever]

It can feel like you are already dead inside if you are emotionally numb and no life events can make you feel either happy or sad.

I can definitely relate to this, I feel numb as well, I have no thoughts left, sometimes I wonder if I even have a mind ,my mind feels super numb these days, no emotions at all,so with a mind like this I've become so submissive, as in I don't care whatever happens to me, I just barely exist because with a numb mind like this I cant ctb , I wanna ctb but I cant , not with the empty mind i have right now

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Imo being numb would make ctb easier?

Not when you are apathetic to everything including dying.

 

[Deleted member 23009]

That's how I felt the past weeks.

I started taking a bit heavier meds so that's probably the reason for me being numb, so lately i'm not sure what i feel anymore.

 

[Lost.]

I can relate purely. I am suffer from permanent numbness induced by psych drugs and the antiemetic.