Venting too lazy to live, too lazy to die

[fuhloof]

i dont want to exert energy on life anymore.. but nor can i bring myself to orchestrate my death...

so im kind of stuck in purgatory right now wondering when the **** im gonna gain the willpower to commit s

ive been wanting to for half my life yet havent come anywhere near murdering myself

...every day my wishful thinking goes "ah i hope i die soon/im gonna die soon" without actually making the slightest effort to research or acquire the materials for doing so

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

That probably goes for the majority of people here

 

[Deleted member 10090]

I feel similar in a way. I just let the days pass by not doing anything and then I realize a full month has gone by and the only thing I did in that time was sleep, numb myself online, shower, and try to eat. I feel like I'm constantly living in the past and for split seconds I realize oh wait it's August 2022, it's not 2021 anymore.

I feel tethered to life by paralysis to end my suffering when every time I seriously contemplate it I always come to the same conclusion that CTB is my best choice. It doesn't matter the emotional state I'm in, the pros always outweigh the cons of CTB.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I'm the same. I would want to hang on until my Dad passes but I'm really disappointed in myself that I haven't absolutely settled on a method and gotten everything set up, so, when the time comes, I'm able to just do it.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I was only able to progress by
(a) doing things very slowly for e.g in a whole week the only step I'd take towards ctb is placing an order online or looking up a piece of info, and
(b) rewarding myself for the step I took, something silly like ice cream or a wank session.

I've been doing this 1 step-a-week thing for the past 2+ months and mostly have everything put together now. About 4 more steps spread over the next 4 weeks are left. The last prep step is to actually travel to the hotel.

To prevent SI from stopping my progress, I just tell myself I can back out anytime. Plus if the universe wants me to live, maybe some miracle will stop me.

Would've been nice if this approach had worked for me for living, but oh well. I don't think it'd work out for anyone else though, just sharing what I did.

 

[want2dienow]

i'm not lazy, I'm in pain.
Know the difference

 

[fuhloof]

i'm not lazy, I'm in pain.
Know the difference

oof .. unfortunately not applicable for me

im just plain lazy and cant get my ass up to die

 

[want2dienow]

oof .. unfortunately not applicable for me

im just plain lazy and cant get my ass up to die

Pain is pain and chronic.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, dying should not be so complicated. We should all just have the option to peacefully pass away without having to do any method research. I envy those who die a peaceful death, those who can get euthanasia are certainly lucky.

 

[Dried_Ink]

Life is overrated.

 

[PressEnterToExit]

I

i dont want to exert energy on life anymore.. but nor can i bring myself to orchestrate my death...

so im kind of stuck in purgatory right now wondering when the **** im gonna gain the willpower to commit s

ive been wanting to for half my life yet havent come anywhere near murdering myself

...every day my wishful thinking goes "ah i hope i die soon/im gonna die soon" without actually making the slightest effort to research or acquire the materials for doing so

I'm totally like you. I think the best for my mental health,is to create a plan and following it in a positive attitude, taking care of myself and all of this before ctb, while I get the materials. I don't wanna feel desperation anymore,I think it's a relief to know you can get a bunch of pills on Darkweb go to sleep and never to wake up again.